A Dater’s Guide to Disney Princesses: Cinderella

Cinderella - Dress.gifAnother tragic story of a poor little rich girl. Raised in an aristocratic home, she lost her mother at a young age. Dad felt that she needed a mother figure in her life, so he remarried and brought a couple stepsisters into the mix as well.

I’ve got to ask, where did her father meet this woman? Did she just pretend to be nice until the old man died? Because, as we all know, Lady Tremaine forced the girl into slave labor, taking a page from Snow White’s stepmother’s playbook.

Off topic, why didn’t either of these girls become Batwoman? I mean, they’ve got the tragic death of both parents in their origin stories. Never mind… those parental deaths did not come at the hands of an unnamed, faceless mugger on the streets of Gotham. I just answered my own question.

Anyway… Luckily, Cinderella had a fairy godmother that decided to give the girl a magic date night with the prince. Apparently the powers that be in the kingdom decided it would be a good idea to find him a wife by throwing a ball. Think of it as a really truncated season of The Bachelor. With less syphilis.

Unlike Snow White, Cinderella was not born into royalty. Nobility, sure… but she’s not born a princess. Spoiler alert: she marries into it, giving her that “happily ever after” that these princesses all seek.

Should You Date Her?

I’m gonna say no to this one as well. While she is noticeably older than Snow White, she still has that issue of consorting with vermin. While the mice of the sprawling mansion seem to be fantastic seamstresses, I’m not sure I’d trust them to put together a proper dress.

What’s worse, she talks to the mice and they talk back. Someone may have some issues with hallucinations. This becomes more apparent when a “fairy godmother” magically appears and turns her rags into a gown and a pumpkin into a coach.

Assuming the fairy godmother’s magic was real, Cinderella relies a bit too much on that magic to make her happily ever after come true. Although, she and the stepsisters are the only ones we see vying for the prince’s affections. That being the case, Cinderella is the only logical choice, with or without the glass slipper.cinderella-glass-slipper

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12 thoughts on “A Dater’s Guide to Disney Princesses: Cinderella

  1. Or more syphilis. Considering it was supposed to be medieval times and nobody bathed! I also have such a hard time with the Prince because of how dumb he is. He really needed to find Cinderella by placing her glass slipper on her foot? Was he too busy looking at her rack rather than her face? SHE WASN’T WEARING A MASK. And is she the only size 6 shoe in the kingdom? Doubtful, very doubtful.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Hehehehehe to the Bachelor comment 😉 What is is with the happily ever after thing? I mean those princesses are all totally young. And then they wait to be kissed by a stranger to then be taken to his castle. I mean, how can they know that the guy will treat them right and not lock them up in a dungeon somewhere to make them his slave? Sorry… just a thought… but honestly: Would you tell your daughter to wait for that one guy only to be kissed and then taken away from you to his castle?

    Liked by 1 person

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