Question of the Week #280

While on a trip, your spouse spends a night with a stranger. If you knew they’d never meet again and you wouldn’t otherwise find out about it, would you want your partner to tell you? If roles were reversed, would you confess what you’d done? How serious would an affair need to be before you’d want and expect to be told about it? How much do you trust your spouse? How much should they trust you?

Whoa… That’s a lot for a Saturday morning.

Okay. Yes, I would want my spouse to tell me if she had been unfaithful. Because I know that if the shoe was on the other foot and it had been me who spent a night with a stranger, my conscience would not let me keep that to myself. So yeah, I’d want to know.

And assuming it was a one time thing? I could absolutely forgive. I’d be angry for a while and there’s no way I’d forget it. Because if it happened a second time or became a pattern with my spouse, I’m out. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, we’re done.

As for the end of this line of questioning, I’m not married so for me having trust in a spouse is bit of a moo point. I would hope that if I were married that she would someone that I would be able to trust implicitly and that an extra-marital affair would never even be an option for either of us. But people are imperfect and mistakes are made. Which is why I’d be willing to forgive. But I won’t be a doormat.

What about you? There’s a lot to unpack with this week’s questions, so I’m curious how you might respond. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments!

*The Question of the Week can be found in The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

4 thoughts on “Question of the Week #280

  1. Honestly I would want to know. What a horrible thing to happen. And maybe just from past experiences, but if it happens once I’m done and I’m out. I have no acceptance for any reason or excuse (aside from my partner being forced against their will)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As a married woman, I would abso-freaking-lutely want to know!
    Similar to you, I believe that I would be able to forgive a one-time lapse in judgement. Everyone has issues and makes bad choices. I would be very very very hurt. He would most likely have to gain my trust again. I think it would not only hurt, but cause me to question myself about whether I’m being a “good” wife, if I’m meeting his needs, if there’s something wrong with me. Sometimes people don’t realize that when they make a choice like that how it will actually affect the other person… and affairs can cause a lot of emotional turmoil for the other person. I am a Christian, so there would be a lot of praying! We’d probably have to go to counseling for a safe space to talk about the why and trust without shutting down. But I don’t think I could handle it if it ever happened again.

    BUUUUUT I don’t think my husband will ever cheat… he knows how good he has it. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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