The Entertainer

At my church, I’m a part of a group called GAP. GAP is an acronym meaning Graduates And Professionals. I once heard our demographic described by a friend’s 5-year-old son as “pretend adults.”

Anyway, we’re a group made up of grad students and young professionals. I guess. I always have a hard time describing the group. I think I have a hard time with it because I constantly feel like I should be aging out of it. I’m 37 now. The vast majority these kids are in their mid-20s. No, I don’t feel old at all.

I actually fool myself into thinking I, too, am in my mid-20s.

But I digress.

This GAP ministry is having a gala next Saturday night. I’m not entirely certain of the purpose of this gala. It’s not like we’re celebrating a yacht race or having a fundraiser to save the endangered mogwai. It may just be an excuse to dress up and have a fancy catered dinner.

Which is what we’re doing. We’re getting dressed up and having a fancy catered dinner.

A few days ago, I got a text from Rebecca asking me if I’d be a part of the entertainment. Huh?

Apparently, as part of the event, several people have been asked to put together acts for the after dinner portion of the evening. Her initial message to me said that my part would be 4-6 minutes. She thought of me because she figured I could “do a baller stand up comedy act or skit.” Again… Huh?Gladiator - Entertained.gif

I mean, I’m flattered that she and the others who are putting this together think I’m funny enough to follow through with a stand up routine. But I’ve never done stand up. I don’t often do the public speaking thing.

But I went along with it. I joked with her that this would be a great opportunity for me to break out my magic act. She thought I was being serious. I had to explain that I’m not allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts.

Despite not really knowing what I would do, I agreed to do something. So… uh… what should I do?

No, really. I’m asking. What should I do?

I get that people think I’m funny. I even think I’m funny. But I just don’t think it’s the stand up comedy kind of funny. I don’t think I could just grab a microphone and walk out on stage and start making fun of the president. I don’t think I could just start making obvious observations about life that people would suddenly start laughing about like it’s only funny because I was clever enough to point it out.

I’m a decent singer, so I could sing something. But I hate performing live outside of a karaoke situation because I can’t accompany myself with any sort of musical instrument. I can’t play the piano. Every time I try playing the guitar I realize that I suck a little more than I did the last time I picked the thing up.

I’m pretty good with the written word. But it’s not like I can sit on stage with a laptop and type up a blog post while people watch. I’m pretty sure that only worked for Doogie Howser, M.D.Barney Stinson - Doogie Howser.gifI really am looking for ideas. If you have any, please list them in the comments.

8 thoughts on “The Entertainer

  1. Given your age compared to the others, maybe compare ‘the good ‘ol days’ with modern day. You’ve posted several times about your iphone upgrade; maybe incorporate that into it. Maybe talk about what it was like growing up compared to how easy kids have it. Just a thought. Good luck, buddy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ohh wait, this is genius. I love this idea. Dial up internet struggles vs worldwide wifi wonders. Using a physical paper map when driving somewhere new vs asking Siri to open Google maps for you. I could go on and on. You got this!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I would have said “comedy” because it’s just about the easiest way to please an audience, but you seem to have ruled that out. Or did you rule it out entirely? Perhaps instead of a stand up routine, come out in costume and parody someone or some type of person? Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Perhaps you should do something that is intentionally bad, but comes across as funny. Have you ever seen the Celebrity Noses segment on James Corden’s show? He never gets into the actual segment because a bunch of things go wrong, like the camera isn’t focussed, a fire starts, etc. I’m not saying you should light a fire, but show up with a bunch of excitement to do “something” and then have disruptions happen that force you not to do that exciting thing. Did that make sense?

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Pingback: Stand Up | The Confusing Middle

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