Fortune and Glory

I’ve written about the fortunes that come out of the fortune cookies before. And while all of those little slips of paper are not always blogworthy, it’s incredibly fortunate when one comes across one that is. This weekend I took a quick trip to Raleigh and spent an evening dining on Chinese takeout with some friends. My fortune cookie was pretty interesting…

2016-06-14 11.25.11.jpgThis isn’t a fortune. It’s an invitation to commit a misdemeanor. Or possibly a felony, depending on the value of what you want. I’m not sure how the law actually works. I think petty theft is a misdemeanor while grand theft auto is a felony. Is that right? Help me out, lawyers.

But let’s say you take the advice of this fortune. “If you want it… take it.” You’re walking through Best Buy and you see a nice new laptop that you’d like to have. So you just reach for the box and proceed to walk out of the store with it. Those fancy theft detectors at the front door start wailing and you get tackled by the guys in the yellow shirts. This leads to an arrest and, eventually, an appearance before a judge. Can you use the fortune as part of your defense strategy?

“Your honor, I was just following the advice of the fortune that I received from a cookie a few days ago. I feel like fate delivered that fortune to me and has allowed me a new lease on life. And if you deny me the freedom to follow through with the fortune’s advice, you are infringing upon my religious beliefs! You cannot take away my first amendment rights, sir! By the way, I’m gonna take that gavel now.”

I believe this would be a valid argument in a court of law. I’ll let you know how it goes when I’m inevitably stopped for driving that Maserati that I do not actually own. But I wanted it. So I took it.Buffy - Want Take Have.gif

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