When were you last in a fight? What caused it and who won?
I think I was in 5th grade. It was the only real fight I’ve ever been in. And it wasn’t so much a fight as it was me getting beat up. By a girl. That’s right, I got beat up by a girl. Now, I would never be so foolish as to claim that I could win in a fight against pretty much anyone. But it is a little embarrassing to admit that a girl kicked my butt in the 5th grade. Though, in my defense, this chick was huge. She had to have been held back a couple times. I don’t mean that she was fat, it wasn’t like that. I’m saying that she was built like a freakin’ lumberjack. She was a good foot taller than I, and she looked like she always had football pads on under her clothes. Like I said, huge. We walked into the classroom one morning and saw that Miss Barlow had rearranged the desks and completely messed with the assigned seating. This girl, who we’ll call Stephanie (’cause that’s her name), made a smart remark about having to sit next to me. Thinking it was all just playful banter, I came up with a complaint of my own that sent her off the deep end. What was said, I’m really not sure. But I’m fairly certain whatever I said was much more laugh-inducing, and most likely at the expense of her own pride. I guess she could dish out the insults but then couldn’t take them.
I learned an important lesson that day. If you’re going to make fun of a lumberjack, male or female, you better be sure to get a good enough head start so they can’t catch up to you, then punch you, then kick you in the stomach. Oh, and don’t try to fight back, ’cause that just makes her kick you some more. It’s like Jack Handey says, “Before you go to criticize someone, be sure to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away, and you have their shoes.”
*The Question of the Week can be found in The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.