Kids, I’m a little nervous about something. I have an appointment with an oral surgeon in just two days. That surgeon will be removing my wisdom teeth. All four of them.

It’s an operation that I’ve been avoiding for six years, when I initially found out that two of those teeth were impacted. During those six years, I’ve also avoided going to the dentist. I’ve never been very comfortable having someone poking around in my mouth. Besides, I know they would just reiterate the importance of getting rid of the wisdom teeth.

Recently, I broke one of the upper wisdom teeth. This has been a source of significant pain, forcing me to visit a dentist. I was then referred to the surgeon. Now I’m only two days from extraction.

The surgeon went over my options with me. The bottom two are the ones that are impacted. If you weren’t aware, this means that those two teeth have grown in the wrong way. What should be the tops of those teeth are pushing forward, potentially crowding my other teeth. The broken tooth on top is problematic. He said that the upper right wisdom teeth is in good shape, but in taking the others, it would only be there for decoration. I figured he may as well take all four while he’s in there.

I made sure to request that I be completely unconscious for the surgery. I don’t want to remember a thing. My mother will be accompanying me for the event, so I’ve given her permission to video my post-op behavior. In advance, I apologize for anything inappropriate that comes out of my mouth during that time. I’ve never actually been drunk or anesthetized, so I don’t know what this will do to my inhibitions.

Before I go under, I’ll be handing my phone over to my mom. She will also receive a list of questions that I will be required to answer before I reacquire my phone, that way I don’t text, tweet, or Facebook until I’m completely sober. Some good questions may include: “Are you all right?” “How many gigawatts of electricity are required to activate the flux capacitor?” “What effect does gold kryptonite have on Superman?” “No, seriously, are you all right?”

If the video is appropriate, I’ll be sure to share it on here. I’m sure it’ll go viral within minutes. I’m gonna break the internet. Stay tuned, kids.