How many different sexual partners have you had in your life? Do you wish you’d had more or fewer? Why?

Ah, the age-old question that makes dinner parties either really interesting or incredibly awkward, depending on how much wine has been consumed. Welcome, dear readers, to another installment of our Question of the Week series, where we tackle life’s big questions with all the grace of a hippo on roller skates.

Now, before we dive into my personal answer, let’s take a moment to appreciate the audacity of Gregory Stock for including this question in The Book of Questions. I mean, kudos to you, Greg. You really know how to get a conversation going, don’t you?

So, drumroll please… How many sexual partners have I had in my life?

Zero. Nada. Zilch. A big ol’ goose egg.

That’s right, folks. I’m in my 40s, and I’ve never done the horizontal tango, the beast with two backs, or whatever euphemism the kids are using these days. I’m as pure as the driven snow, if the driven snow wore nostalgic T-shirts and had a slight obsession with complicated Lego sets.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But mysterious blogger, how is this possible? Are you a monk? An alien? A particularly advanced AI that hasn’t quite figured out human reproduction yet?”

Nope, just your average 40-something guy who happened to take a different path in life. And you know what? It’s okay. I guess. I mean, I don’t know what I’m missing, do I? For all I know, sex could be as overrated as kale smoothies or as disappointing as the last season of Game of Thrones. (Too soon?)

Truth is, I grew up in a conservative, religious environment. Picture this: Southern Baptist, Sunday school, and more “abstinence-only” education than you could shake a purity ring at. We were taught that sex was something sacred, to be saved for marriage, like that fancy china your grandma never uses or the “good” towels in the guest bathroom.

As I grew older, my views evolved. They didn’t exactly do a 180, more like a gentle 45-degree turn. These days, I’m open to the idea of intimacy in a long-term relationship, even if marriage isn’t necessarily on the table. The problem? I can’t seem to get past a first date. It’s like I’m stuck in a perpetual loop of awkward small talk and “I’ll call you”s that never materialize.

And let’s be real, I’m not exactly one-night stand material. My idea of a wild night is staying up past 10 PM to finish a particularly gripping chapter of my book. Not exactly the stuff of Tinder legends, is it?

But here’s the thing: Do I wish I’d had more sexual partners? Well, mathematically speaking, any number would be more than zero. But in all honesty, I’m not sure. It’s like asking if I wish I’d eaten more moon rocks. I have no frame of reference for what I’m missing out on.

On one hand, sure, I’m curious. Human sexuality is a fundamental part of our existence, and I sometimes wonder what it would be like to experience that level of intimacy with another person. Plus, let’s face it, it would make filling out medical forms a lot less awkward. (“Sexual history? Well, doc, how much time do you have?”)

On the other hand, my lack of sexual experience has shaped who I am. It’s given me a unique perspective on relationships and intimacy. I’ve learned to value emotional connections and to see people as whole individuals, not just potential sexual partners. And hey, I’ve saved a fortune on Valentine’s Day gifts over the years.

Now, let’s zoom out a bit and look at some statistics, shall we? Because nothing spices up a conversation about sex like some cold, hard data.

According to a 2021 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average American adult reports having about 4-6 sexual partners in their lifetime. However, this number can vary widely based on factors like age, gender, and cultural background.

Interestingly, about 5% of Americans report being virgins into their 40s and beyond. So, while I might be in the minority, I’m not alone. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

It’s also worth noting that attitudes towards virginity and sexual experience have shifted over time. In many cultures, there’s less emphasis on “saving oneself for marriage” and more focus on personal choice and readiness. Which is great, because let me tell you, the pressure to lose one’s virginity by a certain age is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot.

Now, I know this topic can be a bit sensitive. Some of you might be nodding along in understanding, while others are probably wondering if I’m secretly a character from a Judd Apatow movie. But here’s the thing: There’s no “right” number of sexual partners. Whether you’re at zero like me, in the single digits, or you’ve got a list longer than a CVS receipt, it’s all good.

What matters is that you’re making choices that align with your values, that you’re treating yourself and others with respect, and that you’re staying safe and healthy. And if you’re not having sex? Well, that leaves more time for hobbies. I, for one, have become quite the expert at building ships in bottles. (Ladies, contain yourselves.)

So, to answer the second part of our question: Do I wish I’d had more sexual partners? Sometimes, sure. There are days when I wonder what it would be like to have that level of intimacy with someone. But then I remember that I once got my hand stuck in a vending machine trying to retrieve a stuck candy bar, and I think maybe it’s best I don’t add any more potentially awkward situations to my life.

In the end, my journey is my own. It’s unique, it’s valid, and it’s shaped me into the person I am today. A person who, incidentally, has a lot of free time to write blog posts about not having sex.

So, dear readers, I throw the question back to you. What are your thoughts on this topic? How has your own experience shaped your views on sexuality and relationships? Remember, this is a judgment-free zone. Whether you’re a fellow member of the V-club or you’ve got more notches on your bedpost than a lumberjack’s axe handle, your perspective is welcome here.

Drop your thoughts in the comments below. And remember, keep it classy. This isn’t late-night cable, after all.

Until next week, when we’ll tackle another of life’s big questions. Maybe something a little less spicy, like “If you could be any kitchen appliance, which would you be and why?” (Personally, I’m leaning towards toaster. Warm, comforting, and everyone’s happy to see you in the morning.)

Stay curious, stay kind, and for heaven’s sake, stay away from vending machines. Trust me on that one.