Right… I don’t watch those Hallmark movies that are so popular with so many people. I don’t get why they’re popular in the first place. Is it the feel good aspect? The predictability of an unrealistic ending? Anyway… I don’t watch those movies but I’ve seen enough examples to be able to mock them. No offense if that’s your jam. And I thought this would be a fun little exercise.

I swiped this when I saw that a friend had posted it to Facebook and it showed up in my feed. For my purposes, I gender-swapped the pronouns so that it could be my movie. So here’s how my movie turns out…

“An overworked atheist finds himself stranded in his hometown during a pandemic lockdown, after he came home to get deprogramed after leaving a cult. Against his better judgment, he falls in love with a doomsday survivalist. Together, they learn the true meaning of Christmas.”

I even have a good title for it… The Cult of the Christmas Apocalypse. Practically writes itself. I would like to be played by Jack Black. And I would like the love interest, the doomsday prepper, to be played by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Come on, Hallmark, let’s make this happen!

Looking at the options for the 4th part of the Mad Lib… I’m not sure the gender-swapping would work every time. I mean, what if the last thing I’d eaten hadn’t been a soft taco? Doomsday survivalist is nice and gender neutral and could go either way. What if I’d just said taco? Pilot Pete from season 24 of The Bachelor and I probably wouldn’t have much in common. I mean… my door just doesn’t swing that way. I’m sure he’s a lovely individual. He just wouldn’t do it for me… even if he swooped in piloting the Millennium Falcon. And what if my last food had been kale? John Malkovich? Wait… that one could get interesting in a disturbing psychological thriller kind of way.

But enough about my Hallmark Christmas movie. How would your movie turn out? Leave your synopses down in the comments!