Can I Be Honest?

I’m in a funk…

I don’t know what it is… I just don’t know.

I feel like, overall, things have been improving for me recently. I mean, I finally got myself into regular therapy a few months ago. So that’s been helpful in revealing a lot of things about myself and figuring out why I’ve struggled for so long with anger and depression and anxiety.

I finally did the grown-up thing and found a primary care physician. Made an appointment. Had a physical. Discovered that I really do have high blood pressure and started taking a daily prescription medication for that blood pressure. Found out that the BP is down a bit after two weeks on the meds, BTW.

I still struggle where my work is concerned. But I did make the decision to rid myself of a client that had been on my caseload for nearly a year who was causing me more stress and headaches and heartaches than the rest of my clients combined. While I didn’t suddenly reach the point where I actively look forward to going to work every day, it has certainly made my average workday much more palatable.

But I’m still in a funk…

As of yesterday, I have posted something to this blog every day for 881 consecutive days. I don’t know about you, but I find that kind of impressive. And I don’t say that in an attempt to toot my own horn. I say it in the interest of keeping the streak going.

Today is Monday and should, therefore, be one of my movie days. So was last Monday and I wound up writing about Memorial Day memories. The next movie on my list of The Best Movies I’ve Never Seen is A Fistful of Dollars. And it isn’t that I don’t want to watch the movie. I’m sure I’ll really enjoy it. I mean… it’s a classic. It’s one of the world’s most famous westerns and is part of a classic trilogy of westerns. It’s got Clint Eastwood… What’s not to enjoy?

But I just can’t bring myself to care enough to watch it and write down my thoughts about it. And it isn’t just the movie thing… When I think about doing tomorrow’s episode of Quantum Leap, I kind of roll my eyes and just want to close my laptop and be done with it. Why do I feel that way? Quantum Leap was one of my favorite shows growing up. I love that show.

And yet… in a funk…

Like I said, I’m at 881 consecutive days of posting to this blog. 882 when you include today’s post. And it will be included because if you’re reading this, it’s been posted. That means today is day 882. Why keep the streak alive?

Because it’s there! Because in 118 days, I will reach 1,000 consecutive days of posting to this blog. Won’t that be something to brag about? I mean, I’m sure others have done it. But I want to do it. And when I hit 1,000… then what? Will I just stop? Will I let the streak die? Or will I feel this irrational need to keep it going?!

Why can’t I pull myself out of this funk? Why can’t I motivate myself to do these blog posts that I know I need to get around to writing, if only for the sake of making it to 1,000 daily posts to The Confusing Middle?

The funk is real…


6 thoughts on “Can I Be Honest?

  1. I love all those good things at the start of this post! I am really happy for you Aaron!!

    But the blog funk is reaaallll!!! That is an amazing streak! But also just know that if/when you break it, it’s ok haha. We all need a break sometimes and you just gotta decide when to take it!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I totally get how you feel. I feel like I’ve been in a funk too for the last few months. I still have my Rocky movie series to finish. Still have to get back to the next Captain’s Quiz. But the motivation hasn’t been there. I don’t know if this writing thing becomes too repetitive for us and it starts to get boring, or what it is.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: A Dog and the Idiot Holding the Leash | The Confusing Middle

  4. Pingback: Some Transparency… | The Confusing Middle

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s