So our friend Monty has issued his own quizzical challenge over on his blog. And since I am not one to back down from a challenge, I’m game.

Here are the rules…

1) Monty has provided one “Never Have I Ever” question for us to answer. The question will be about Monty (Never Has Monty Ever…). There will be three correct answers and we will have five chances to select the correct answers.

2) Post answers in your own blog (or optionally in the comments section of Monty’s original post). Link your blog post to Monty’s post so he has visibility. The deadline for posting answers is end of day, Saturday March 19th.

3) For maximum points provide some type of commentary on answers (there are no restrictions on the type of commentary but the goal here is to entertain – see below for further explanation on points).

4) Points: There are a maximum of 100 points available. 10 points for each correct answer (3 x 10 = 30 possible points). Up to 10 points for each of your answers commentary (points are granted based on the entertainment value of your commentary per my subjective assessment; it doesn’t matter if the associated answers are correct or not; 5 x 10 = 50 possible points). If you make Monty literally LOL there are 20 bonus points available as well (20 possible points). Total: 30 + 50 + 20 possible points.

5) Everyone is eligible to play unless you know Monty’s real (full) name.

6) The prize will be either a paperback or e-copy of Monty’s Almanac 202x. As long as the format is available in your region, the choice will be yours (if you win). Given the complexities of international shipping and such there could be some complications, but I’m sure I will find a way to make it work.

7) Monty will post the results on (or about) Monday, March 21st local China time.

8) This is just for fun and games (and a book of questionable value), so lets all just play along and enjoy!

Never Has Monty Ever… Been Paid To…

Wow… Monty has given us 26 possible answers and only three of them are correct. That’s a lot of jobs. I’m impressed. I’ll give this some thought and my answers will be in bold, along with a little of my own commentary beneath. Some of the answers I’m ignoring simply because they seem to be easily linked with other answers provided (example: A, C, and S could easily be part of the same job).

A) Sell pop-corn

B) Remove a tree stump

C) Provide security

D) Dog-sit

E) Jack-hammer a cement floor

F) Paint a fence
I’m sorry, but this is not something one gets paid to do. This is something one is required to do as a part of his or her karate training. Other tasks include, but are not limited to: paint the house; sand the floor; and, of course, wax on/wax off. If one can master these chores, achieve balance, and pull off a decent crane kick, one could easily win the All-Valley Under 18 Karate Tournament.

G) Demolish a bath-room

H) Wait/buss tables

I) Cut the grass

J) Run a medical plastics extrusion machine

K) Be a teacher’s assistant

L) Do lab research

M) Be a cashier

N) Bag groceries

O) Mix paint

P) Cook
This is second in order of this list, but it’s the last one I’m actually choosing. Which I know just makes it wrong because there’s no way the answers should be three in a row like this. Even though I logically understand that cooking is a job (because restaurants), I always just think of it as a hobby. For me, cooking is a way to unwind, as crazy as that might sound. I’m not saying I have any particular fun while cooking, I just have a sense of accomplishment. You know what… It’s a stupid answer but I’m not changing it.

Q) Taste sexual lubricants
I can’t really connect this one to anything else on the list, making it an outlier. And while the position does sound somewhat adventurous, I’m not sure it’s one that most people would jump at if they saw it listed in the classifieds. Monty, if this is one that you have, in fact, done… I hope they paid you well.

R) Watch babies bathe
This one intrigues me… “Watch babies bathe…” Notice it doesn’t say that the job in question was to give a bath to babies. It’s to watch them bathe themselves. I’m not sure I fully believe that an infant can bathe himself. Now, I do think it’s important to keep an eye on a baby in a bathtub, as accidental drowning would be a super easy feat to accomplish. But I think a step would be missing with this paid position.

S) Clean a movie-theatre

T) Distribute newspapers

U) Lick/stamp envelopes

V) Mix rubber

W) Provide voice-over for a video

X) Baby-sit
I’m only picking this one because I know that babysitting is not a job for the faint of heart. That’s not to say Monty couldn’t handle it. I just know that it’s not for everyone. Personally, I love kids. Most of my career has been spent working directly with children in one form or another. But I remember hating the few times I was asked to babysit neighborhood kids when I was a teenager. Maybe this is something Monty was able to avoid in his more formative years.

Y) Dig a ditch

Z) Give a speech

All right, Monty… How did I do? You can be brutally honest… I can take it. To a certain extent. I mean… if you make me cry, at least I’m here and you’re there and you’ll never know it.

Feature Photo by Randy Rizo on Unsplash