My Favorite Movies #46 – The Goonies

Goonies - Poster.jpgThe Goonies


Directed by Richard Donner

Quick synopsis… A group of misfit children discovers a pirate-treasure map and embarks on a journey to find the riches in this beloved 1980s classic. Along the way, they battle curmudgeonly crooks and squabble with one another in their quest for fortune.

  • I know that there are people out there who don’t love this movie.
  • And, honestly, I don’t get that.
  • What’s not to love about this movie?
  • Generally, though, it’s people over a certain age who don’t love this movie.
  • Maybe if you weren’t a kid in the 80s, this movie just doesn’t do it for you.
  • But without The Goonies, I really don’t think we’d have Stranger Things.
  • You’re welcome, 21st century.
  • So settle in, grab a Baby Ruth, and let’s get started…
  • Things kick off with a jailbreak and it only gets crazier from there.
  • By the way, that fake suicide shenanigan that Jake Fratelli pulls off seems pretty risky.
  • One false move and he actually does hang himself.
  • The Fratellis make their getaway during the credits, driving past each of our Goonie kids so we get a quick intro to everyone.
  • Andy’s a cheerleader. Mouth’s the son of a plumber. Stef is bobbing for crabs. Data is testing his latest gadget (which nearly gets him run over by the Fratellis). And Chunk is fascinated by the police chase happening outside the arcade window.
  • Mikey and his older brother Brand are at home, lamenting the fact that they have to move soon.
  • We learn it’s this group of friends’ last weekend together because the neighborhood is being snatched up by the rich folks in Astoria to make room for a new country club and golf course.
  • On that note, why does it seem to be squarely on Mikey’s father’s shoulders to save the neighborhood?
  • The guy is the curator at the local history museum.
  • That can’t be a high paying job…
  • And judging by the look of their neighborhood, it doesn’t look like the kind of place that has a homeowners’ association, so Mr. Walsh wouldn’t be the head of that.
  • But Mikey is convinced that his dad is gonna fix it so none of them have to move.
  • The Goonies stumble upon the story of One-Eyed Willy while exploring the attic, swiping a map to the old pirate’s ship and a doubloon that may help along the way.
  • You’ve gotta love the topical humor that really helps this movie stand the test of time… “1632, is that a year or something?” “No, it’s your top score on Pole Position!”
  • I was never very good at Pole Position… I assume 1632 would be a bad score.
  • A douchey guy stops by the house with papers for Walsh to sign.
  • Again… why is it all on Walsh to save the neighborhood?
  • The kids decide to find some treasure so they can help make it so they can stay in the neighborhood.
  • Adventure ensues.
  • When we’re reintroduced to Andy and Stef, they’re riding in Troy’s car.
  • Troy is the douchey son of the douchey guy that stopped by the house a few minutes before.
  • Now… I get why Troy would want to have Andy in his car. He’s a douchey rich kid who we can also assume is a jock and some kind of top dog in high school and Andy is a cute cheerleader.
  • But Stef… well… I assume she smells like she’s been bobbing for crabs.
  • Maybe, since Stef is Andy’s best friend, Andy refused to do anything with Troy unless Stef came along.
  • Thanks for letting me think that through.
  • They come across Brand trying to chase after the other kids and Troy attempts to murder Brand.
  • And we’re all just okay with this?
  • Here’s where the Fratellis re-enter the story…
  • The Goonies follow the map to a run down old restaurant that the Fratellis are using as a hideout.
  • Where the criminal family also happened to have shot a couple of feds just before the kids arrived.
  • Question: why would a 300 year old treasure map lead these kids to a restaurant that, at best, was built 50 years ago?
  • You know, Anne Ramsey as Mama Fratelli is an intimidating person. But I bet she was probably just the sweetest old lady in the world.
  • Still cracks me up when Mouth is pouring water from one glass to the other… “Hey Mikey, you gotta go to the bathroom?”
  • He doesn’t really, he just wants to explore and see where the map leads next.
  • This makes Mikey the first one to encounter Sloth… we just don’t realize that’s who it is yet.
  • To us, he’s just a monstrous man chained to the wall in the Fratellis’ basement.
  • Everyone (including Brand, Andy, and Stef, but minus Chunk) make their way down a drain in the fireplace.
  • Chunk is left behind to call the police… except he becomes the Fratellis’ hostage.
  • I love when Chunk is pleading with the Fratellis not to shove his hand in the blender, he thinks telling them he wants to play the violin will change their minds.
  • While the rest of the gang face booby traps on their way to the treasure, Chunk bonds with Sloth.
  • Admit it, you tear up a little when Mikey gives his “It’s our time down here…” speech.
  • Later, when Andy has to play the organ made of bones to open the next doorway, I can’t help but wonder…
  • Who among Willy’s crew knew how to not only build an organ, but build it using the bones of his crewmates?
  • When the cave holding the Inferno begins to fall apart, you have to admire Sloth.
  • He gets the kids out, then stays behind to save his family.
  • Even though they’ve done nothing but treat him like garbage his whole life, he saves his worthless mother and brothers.
  • Everyone arrives on the beach to get the kids when they show up… even Douchebag Sr. and Jr.
  • Because they need Mr. Walsh to go ahead and sign those foreclosure papers.
  • I’m sorry… These families were just reunited with their missing children. You can’t hold off a few minutes? Maybe sign these important documents in an office somewhere?
  • It’s that crucial that the paperwork is signed that you have to have it done on the beach first thing in the morning?
  • And the way Troy talks to Mikey’s dad… Seriously?
  • It’s one thing for a douchey bully to be a jerk to the kids he knows from school. But to be that disrespectful to an actual adult?
  • But I guess since his douchey father isn’t showing Walsh any respect, why should he?
  • A marble bag with a handful of jewels is enough to save the entire neighborhood?
  • I don’t buy it.
  • But I still love the movie.
  • I kind of can’t believe we were allowed to watch this movie as a kid.
  • Then again, there are a lot of movies I can’t believe we were able to watch when we were kids.
  • Have we grown more sensitive to what’s inappropriate to show little kids in the future?
  • I really need to stop referring to the present as the future…

Come back next week for a movie that isn’t exactly seasonably appropriate. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with celebrating our Independence Day a little late this year.

4 thoughts on “My Favorite Movies #46 – The Goonies

  1. Pingback: My Top 100 Movies | The Confusing Middle

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