The Free Bagel

Are you familiar with the SNL Digital Short/Lonely Island tune “Threw It On the Ground”? You probably should be in order to understand the humor of this post. Look it up on the YouTube and then come back.

Are you back? Good…

Each Wednesday morning, I meet with a small discipleship group at Panera. And each Wednesday morning, I have this tendency to order a plain bagel, toasted, with plain cream cheese. It’s not fancy, but it’s what I like.

This morning was a little different. Yes, our group was meeting at Panera, as usual. But I got there early. And when I got there, I was in a bit of… let’s call it intestinal distress. So I made a beeline for the restroom before ordering my basic breakfast.

When I emerged from the restroom, I made my way back toward the front of the restaurant, to order my usual. But then I was stopped at that station where one usually picks up the food that they’ve ordered. The girl there checked with me to see if I typically get the plain bagel and cream cheese. I confirmed that, yeah, that’s my order.

She said, “Here you go!”

“You know I haven’t paid for this, right?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it! You’re in here all the time!”

This is when my mind went immediately to that classic Lonely Island video. “You come here all the time! Here’s one for free!”

I said, “Man, what I look like? A charity case?” I took it and threw it on the ground! “I don’t need your hand outs! I’m an adult! Please! You can’t buy me bagel lady!”

I didn’t actually throw the free bagel on the ground. I asked if she was sure about me not paying for it, and then I thanked her and took it to my seat. And it was delicious.

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