If you joined us last week, you got a chance to see my personal Top 100 list of all time favorite movies. My criteria was not as stringent as that of the American Film Institute, but these will all be movies that I find entertaining. Therefore, I’m going to treat them a bit differently than I did with my AFI 100 reviews. This will be more like my Rewatching Buffy posts, with thoughts in list form as I watch the movies. Feel free to watch the movies with me! Up first is the bottom of the list…
Can’t Buy Me Love
Directed by Steve Rash
Netflix says… Tired of being an outcast, nerdy high school senior Ronald Miller decides it’s time for drastic measures: He offers his life savings of $1,000 to the most popular girl in school, cheerleader Cindy Mancini, in exchange for dating him for a month.
- Y’all… this is the kid that grew up to be McDreamy.
- I apologize for referencing Grey’s Anatomy. It’ll never happen again.
- I don’t blame Ronald for having a thing for Cindy Mancini. Thinking back to my high school years, I really don’t think Patrick Henry had a Cindy Mancini.
- Ronald’s dad is super proud of his classic station wagon. He shouldn’t be.
- Anyone else think it’s super creepy when the guy that comes to pick up Cindy’s mom for a date basically hits on Cindy? Dude, she’s a minor. Probably.
- Cindy starts things out by making the bad choice,
stealingborrowing her mom’s white suede outfit.
- But, hey, what would an ’80s teen movie be without teens making bad decisions?
- Anyone else think it’s super creepy when one of the football players is hitting on the super naive freshmen girls? Dude, they’re definitely minors.
- Did you guys know Seth Green is in this? He plays Ronald’s little brother. At the age of 13, he was a super good actor.
- Who high fives while holding a glass of wine?
- Feel free to make fun of the way the guy playing Quinton says “ruined.” I always do.
- Cindy tries to exchange the $1,000 suede outfit and the sales clerk is really unsympathetic.
- “It’s not that bad,” he says. Clearly, you’ve never been a teenage girl who ruined your mother’s $1,000 suede outfit.
- Oh, look at that, Ronald just happens to have $1,000. How convenient!
- Ha! She calls him Donald.
- “I mowed 286 lawns for you!” No,
DonaldRonald, you mowed 286 lawns for a telescope. Giving Cindy $1,000 to make you popular is one of those bad choices that makes for a great ’80s teen movie.
- Ronald’s walking the cool hall for the first time ever. There are a lot of ’80s stereotypes in the cool hall.
- Uh… In Home Ec, why is one of the guys shirtless? I mean, he’s got an apron on. But still… Seems like that would be against the school’s dress code.
- Ronald’s mom and little brother are playing Battleship. That’s cute.
- Ronald picks up Cindy for a party. But he didn’t bring a car.
- She’s not cool with that. But… uh… walking is better than his dad’s classic station wagon.
- Ronald is clearly changing his personality. And he’s leaving his old friends in the dust. Kind of a jerk move.
- Meanwhile, Ronald and Cindy’s fake relationship is turning into an actual friendship. Maybe more…
- On their last official date as a fake couple, Ronald brings up their fake break up. Doesn’t look like that’s what Cindy is hoping for.
- Critiquing the break up: Ronald was overacting. The slap Cindy gave him was extra real. He deserved it.
- When it’s all over, Cindy gives him some good advice: Be yourself, don’t change to please anyone else.
- Of course he doesn’t heed that advice.
- Popularity = the slippery slope toward becoming an even bigger jerk.
- Now the popular girls argue over who gets to date Ronald. All because he dated Cindy Mancini.
- One of the girls wants him to take her to the Columbus Day Dance.
- Why is there a dance celebrating Columbus Day?
- Has anyone else out there done the African Anteater Ritual at a school dance? Be honest.
- Ronald’s descent into depravity continues as he joins his new popular friends on Halloween as they attack his former best friend’s house.
- When Cindy tries to be a friend to Ronald, he treats her like crap.
- And then she gets super drunk at a New Year’s Eve party.
- And then Bobby shows up.
- Oh, I haven’t mentioned Bobby? That’s her boyfriend who graduated last year who’s basically ignored her since he went off to college.
- He’s mad at her for not pining after him the entire time. She lets it slip that Ronald paid her to go out with him for a month. Then he calls her a prostitute.
- I mean, technically, he’s not entirely wrong.
- I wonder what’s wrong with Bobby’s voice? Clearly someone else’s voice is dubbed over the actor’s lines.
- And just like that, Ronald Miller’s popularity is shattered.
- I really want to feel sorry for the guy. But I don’t.
- He thought he was a social leper before… People aren’t just ignoring him, they’re clearing out of the area whenever he’s around.
- Guys, it’s not all bad. He tries to make amends with Kenny. He tries to make amends with Cindy.
- And then he stands up for Kenny at school when one of the jocks threatens to beat him up.
- And this leads to one of the greatest slow claps of all time.
- While this doesn’t put Ronald back on everyone’s social radar, he gains their respect.
- Also, as it turns out, Cindy’s loved him the whole time. And they ride off into the sunset together. On his riding lawn mower.