Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Throughout my work as a school counselor, I liked to post Facebook status updates which were not actually status updates at all. Instead, they were quotes from the kids I worked with at the elementary school on a daily basis. Some of them are a priceless kind of hilarious. Others are probably only funny to me and the teachers that spent hours upon hours with these children. They’re the quotes that are “you had to be there” kind of funny. Hopefully, you’ll at least find some of these quotes from children to be slightly funny….

2nd grader’s thoughts on relationships: “I ain’t never gettin’ married. I can’t deal with girls.”

Question asked by a 1st grader: “Did you go to school when you were little?”
My reply: “No, I was born a grown-up.”

Teacher: “Two things you don’t talk about at dinner, politics and…?”
7th grader: “Your favorite huntin’ spot!”

1st grader’s reaction to a surprise fire drill: “That scared the mother nature out of me!”

Random 1st grade quote #1: “Sometimes I smell marshmallows when no one’s cooking them.”

Random 1st grade quote #2: “Your breath smells like sandwiches… mustard sandwiches.”

Random 1st grade quote #3: “I can suck it up with the air in my mouth.”

Kindergartener’s thoughts on feeling sick: “I done vomigated four times!”

1st grader on the study of words: “Trip has 3 syllables.” I think that depends on how far south you live.

Random 1st grade quote #4: “My brother said when it rains God is crying.” His brother might be Jack Handey.

Teacher: “New game for work stations today. I think Carla already played it yesterday.”
Carla: “Me too! I played it too!”
Teacher: “That makes sense. Since you’re Carla.”

While watching a scene following the abolition of slavery in an animated film about the life of Abraham Lincoln, a 1st grader remarked: “They’re singing ‘FREEDOM,’ not ‘free ball!'”

Random Kindergarten quote: “They melt old cans so they can make new cans. Then they fill them with new Dr. Pepper!”

Teacher (to student): “Are you okay?”
Student: “Yeah.”
Teacher (to me): “‘Cause you look like you want to murder someone.”
Me: “No, that’s just his face.”

When asked to define a pronoun, a 2nd grader responded: “Someone who’s really good at nouns.”

Random 1st grade quote #5: “I’m an Exodus”
Upon hearing this, the teacher and I both looked at each other, confused. The girl then explained that she could write with both hands. So, she was trying to say she was ambidextrous. Totally made sense then.


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