So your general practitioner has diagnosed you with bronchitis. And now you’re sitting at home thinking, “This is just no fun!” as you hack into your sleeve or a handkerchief. But why look at this temporary disease as no fun? Instead of engaging in a pessimistic attitude about your bronchitis, find ways of making it fun.
How does one make a respiratory illness fun? Well, it’s tricky, but I believe it can be done. The first thing you need to determine is what kind of bronchitis you’re afflicted with. If it’s acute bronchitis, it can be pretty contagious. Depending on your moral compass, you may decide you don’t want to be around people, thereby avoiding a situation in which you spread your version of the virus. If you have no moral compass, by all means, take a trip out in public. On the other hand, if it’s adorable bronchitis, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to passing on your germs. Chances are, someone will start coughing, but it won’t be because of you!
Now that you’ve figured out the nature of your disease, it’s time to decide what you can do with all your free time. Are you the type who worries about what strangers may think of you? Do you worry that you may cause someone to become ill? Then this blog post may not be for you. You may find yourself in a joyless existence for the next 2 to 4 weeks while your bronchitis runs its course or your antibiotics fight the infections. For you, I would suggest hitting up the Redbox on the way home from the pharmacy and settle in for a chick flick marathon.
Everyone else, I invite you to get creative and, more importantly, adventurous! My first suggestion really depends on your proximity to a city. In my experience, most small towns don’t normally come with buildings equipped with elevators. Do you see where I’m going with this? That’s right, find an elevator. The first thing you want to do is find a popular building that has an elevator. You definitely want an elevator that’s going to have a lot of people in the car with you at one time. It’s probably best to go with this activity in the morning, as people are arriving for work, or in the late afternoon, as the ants go marching back home. Have you chosen your elevator? Good. Make your way to the back of the car and just wait. Once the elevator is full, just start letting your coughs go. Please, be sure to cough into your sleeve or a tissue. To not cover your mouth would just be rude. At the same time, people will still react to your coughs, and their reactions will often be humorous. Every now and then, you’ll come across that one in a million person who will see if you’re okay and offer you a lozenge of some kind. This will probably restore your fragile faith in humanity for one more day. Mostly, the people on the elevator will panic and try to claw their way out like rats trapped in a maze. Just think about that for the rest of the day and you have a ready-made laugh.
The next activity involves a kitchen, a hot stove, a tea kettle and, you guessed it, tea. Chances are, with the bronchitis, you’ve been coughing quite a bit. This can cause a great deal of irritation to your throat. A warm beverage, like tea, can be very soothing to a sore throat, and may even help to relieve some of the coughing you’ve been doing. First, do you have a tea kettle ready to go? Good. Next, fill the kettle with water. Put it on the stove to boil. You’ll want to be sure to place the kettle on the correct eye. It’s got to be the one that’s turned on and is heating up. Next, turn away from the kettle. Whatever you do, don’t look at it and certainly don’t watch it. It will never boil that way. If possible, leave the room. The kettle will scream at you when the water has come to a boil. It’s amazing what technology can do these days. What a time to be alive! It may seem like forever, but as long as you’re not looking, the water will eventually come to a boil. Get your favorite mug out of the cabinet and place a tea bag inside the mug. Next, pour the boiling water into the cup and allow the tea to steep. Depending on your personal preferences, you may want to add lemon or honey or milk or sugar. I’ve heard some people do these things. I don’t know, I really don’t like hot tea.
Might I also suggest watching this helpful YouTube video. I caution you, however, not to watch too often. When you have bronchitis, laughter can only serve to worsen your cough more often than not. In which case, you may need to make more tea.
I didn’t even know Jesus was a reporter. Awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, those are only a few very fun suggestions that should give you something to do when you’re suffering from bronchitis. If you have other suggestions, please share them in the comments below. I’m sure all the sick people of the world will appreciate your helpful ideas and hints.