The Poopsmith Strikes

It was just supposed to be a typical Tuesday. It was thought that it would be a fairly simple day. The faculty and staff of the local elementary school returned to work after an unexpected break thanks to a quick winter storm (a nice thought as we suffer through the oppressive humidity of summer). The school system even helped to cushion the blow of going back to work after a four day weekend by announcing a two hour delay.

But it as not to be an easy day. As it turns out, easy days are a true rarity in an elementary school.

On that fateful Tuesday afternoon, someone made a disturbing discovering in one of the boys’ bathrooms. A student walked into a stall to find that someone had removed feces from the toilet and smeared it all over the walls.

Whoever committed this disgusting act of vandalism was not very good at covering his tracks. He had gotten some of the fecal matter on his own shoe, thereby tracking it back to the third grade classroom. According to authorities, this narrowed down the list of suspects dramatically.

Every boy in the class was escorted into the hallway and lined up along the wall. Each shoe was expertly examined to find who had stepped in the poo. By this time, it was difficult to find adequate evidence to properly accuse one of the students of the crime.

At this time, no one had been willing to step forward to take responsibility for the incident. The principal, angry that such an appalling thing would happen in her school, stepped in and told the boys that, if necessary, they would take samples from each of them, do some lab work, and match someone up to the crap that was on the wall.

We may never know if the principal was bluffing. Whatever the case, it worked. The alleged Poopsmith confessed to the crime. When asked why he would do such a thing, the Poopsmith had no comment. He currently awaits sentencing pending notification of his parents.

True story.Billy Madison - Poop

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