You guys like Family Feud, right? Of course you do. Everyone loves Family Feud. And it’s enjoyed a resurgence in popularity in recent years due, I would say, in large part to host Steve Harvey’s priceless facial expressions as he reacts to the responses given by any number of his contestants. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, just go to Pinterest and do a search for Steve Harvey Family Feud. Seriously… you’ll thank me later for the many laughs you’ve enjoyed.
Well, the kids at my church love the Family Feud. And when I say “the kids,” I really mean the people who are actually fairly close to my own age. Because, no matter what they try to tell you over a large group meal at the Olive Garden, I am not actually the Cryptkeeper’s grandfather! Anyway, this illustrious group of young adults loves the game show so much that they’ve decided to integrate it into a social gathering to take place in the near future. It was actually supposed to happen last weekend, but the east coast was attacked by the Jonas Brothers and we had to postpone.
For this event that will be rescheduled, I’ve been asked to play host for the Family Feud portion of the evening. When I was approached to do this, I jumped on it, not even hesitating to say yes. As the “on air” personality, I don’t have to do any of the real work involved. I mostly just have to hold cards with the survey questions, come up with witty remarks in response to the contestants, and basically stand there and look pretty. Though, with that last part, I may be confusing the host’s duties with those of Vanna White. But, as host, I’m feeling the pressure to act as Steve Harvey-like as I possibly can.
Earlier this week, I was asked if I would be shaving down to only a mustache in order to prepare to be the host of Family Feud. I said no. I mean, I flat out refused. I have a full beard. I’m happy with my full beard. It’s winter, y’all. That’s my defense against the frigid temperatures that have finally arrived in southwest Virginia. My refusal to do the mustache only look was met with dirty looks and harsh criticism from people I consider to be close friends. I made the excuse that I didn’t want to shave off the beard, so they countered with, “It’ll grow back!” I claimed that having a mustache makes me look really creepy, so they countered with, “It’s just one night, then you can shave that off and start your face off fresh!” Sure, they have valid points, as most sane people do who want to get their way. But I think they’re forgetting that Steve Harvey is only the latest in a long line of Family Feud hosts that have existed for centuries.
Okay, not really centuries. Decades. But Family Feud began in the 20th century and continues into the 21st century. So I’m not far off. That being said, there have been six hosts on Family Feud. I don’t think it’s fair for everyone to assume that I’ll make a good Steve Harvey type host simply because I have the ability to shave my head, grow a mustache, and have uncontrollable “I can’t believe you just said that” facial expressions. Especially when there have been five other incomparable hosts that have performed the job more or less adequately throughout the history of the show. Let’s take a look at all those hosts of game shows past.
Richard Dawson – In order to be a host like the first Family Feud host, I would probably be required to kiss all of the female contestants directly on the mouth. Kids, that’s how cooties are spread. Also, considering this is a church related event, it may be deemed inappropriate to go around kissing young ladies in an uninvited kind of way. I don’t get how it was appropriate for Dawson to do this back in the ’70s. I mean, he was pretty bold about it. Maybe I’m off base, but it’s not like he was all that good looking. And I’m way more charming than he was, speaking only from my personal experience. I guess I could take my chances, but I don’t fancy getting slapped in the face by a girl I know I’m gonna have to see at church every Sunday for the next three months. Though, I would get to wear those awesome shades.
Ray Combs – Ray’s story had a tragic end that we won’t go into here. You can read all about him on Wikipedia if you are so inclined. What I can say for Ray’s hosting style that I know I would excel at is that he was rather short in stature. At least, in my memory he was kind of short. In reality, he was probably about my height, which isn’t what you’d call tall. I could pretty much nail that aspect.
Louie Anderson – Here’s one that I’m not sure I could accurately emulate when hosting the game. Mostly because I always felt Louie had an annoying voice and it’s something I don’t want to attempt to impersonate. I’m sure enough people find my voice obnoxious as it is. Not sure I want to make it worse or make it easier for people to say, “Oh, we don’t want to invite Aaron out with us. Have you heard his voice? I mean, really.”
Richard Karn – Remember this guy? He played Al on Home Improvement. Why anyone believed he would make a good game show host, I have no idea. Not that he’s a bad guy or anything. He just didn’t have much personality as a host. Come to think of it, I probably don’t either. So it’s possible Al would be the best one for me to act like. And, he’s got the full beard going for him, so I wouldn’t have to change my look in the slightest. Yeah, we’ll put Al down as a maybe.
John O’Hurley – Remember this guy? He played J. Peterman on Seinfeld. I could attempt to do his voice, but I don’t think I’d be able to pull it off. And to get the look right, I’d have to go even more gray than I already am.
Steve Harvey – And now we come back to this guy. Again, I feel I should mention that I look really creepy with a mustache. I tried it once, when I dressed up for Halloween as my hero, Ron Swanson. Sure, I got a few laughs, but they were definitely the kind of laughs that you know come from people who are laughing at you, not with you. And when I attempted to go out in public that afternoon (still with the mustache), I had no less than three food items thrown in my general direction. Getting hit in the face with a slice of pizza while the cheese is still melty and hot is not a comfortable situation to find oneself in.
So what do you think? Should I attempt to host the show by channeling any of these men’s personality types? Should I be forced to shave my face down to a creepy mustache that will likely do nothing to build up my fragile ego? Why can’t I just be me? What’s so wrong with that?