Day Thirty

A Dream for the Future

Where We're Going - Flying DeLoreanThis seems really similar to yesterday’s post. As I mentioned before, I’m not really one to plan for the future. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. And, while I don’t necessarily think of myself as a pessimist, I’m definitely not an optimist. I joke around with people and call myself a realist. To me, that just means that good things are gonna happen and bad things are gonna happen. That’s life.

So to have hopes and dreams for the future can be a good thing. But to invest too much into those dreams may be unrealistic and can lead to some pretty real heartache. And, again, it could be that having this point of view is what’s held me back for so long. I’ve talked a lot recently about how I shut people out, all because I don’t want to deal with the pain of being let down. By not investing in any kind of dream for the future, I guess I’m doing the same thing. Except, in this case, it would be me doing the letting down, not someone else.

That being said, I suppose I do have some things I’d like to see happen in my future. I’m only 35, so I guess I’ve still got time for these things to happen if I just apply myself.

I’d like to write a book. I’d like to get that book published.

Something else that’s been on my mind is the idea of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. In spite of the fact that so many of my friends’ and family members’ relationships have ended painfully, there’s still a part of me that sees the appeal in finding that one person that could stand to be around me for more than 10 minutes at a time and settling down. I’m hoping this kind of thing won’t be an impossibility for me, even though I grow a little more cynical about relationships with each failed attempt on my part. Not that I make a lot of attempts, but I tend to put a lot of myself into those few and far between tries, which ends up hurting more than it should. I find that cynicism isn’t necessarily a helpful tool when it comes to wooing women.

For a lot of my adult life, I’ve been on the fence over whether or not I’d like to have kids of my own. Granted, the previous paragraph would need to come to pass and I’ll need to be spending the rest of my life with an obviously wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman with an amazing sense of humor. And I assume that this awesome woman and I would come to an agreement regarding children. I’ve seen the way some of my closest friends have become fathers and have thought about what that would be like for myself. I joke that my job is an incredible form of birth control, but I also know that my kid would be awesome and completely different from the kids I see five days a week.

There are many possible futures. There could be alternate timelines. I can’t see any of them from where I’m sitting. So, for now, life is what it is. And I’m gonna enjoy the heck out of the present.

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