Question of the Week #29

Have you ever hated anyone? If so, why and for how long?

May I quote Will Smith?

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do ’cause hate in your heart will consume you too. -Just the Two of Us

I don’t believe that I’ve ever actually hated anyone.

Let me clarify. I know for a fact that I’ve told people I hate them or shouted it when it couldn’t be heard before. And any time that has happened, it’s been done in the heat of anger or extreme frustration. When you’re angry and saying whatever enters your mind, you’re really not making a conscious decision to feel what you’re really feeling. So, while I have said that I hated someone before, I’ve never actually felt a true hatred toward anyone. At least, I don’t think so.

QuestionSome people may read what I’ve just written and try to convince me that when I say something in the heat of anger, that’s the real honesty of my heart coming to the surface. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I just don’t want to admit to myself I’ve ever truly hated anyone before. Hate can be such a strong word.

But so is love. And we throw the two around all the time as if they don’t mean anything. These two feelings are at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum and they can be unnerving and unstable and unpredictable. Yet they’re equal in the power that they can hold over people’s hearts and minds. We look at the word hate and very easily see what negative things have been done in its wake. But think about all of the horrible things that have been done in the name of love.

Sure, love has been the basis for a lot of powerful good in the world, there’s no way to deny that. But is it possible to say the same thing about hate? Could it be that it’s a Yin-Yang kind of thing? You’ve got the light side with a little bit of darkness and you’ve got the dark side with that little bit of light.

Sorry… rambled a bit. No, I don’t think I’ve ever truly hated anyone for any length of time. Argue with me on that if you must. But I’m more interested to hear everyone’s take on the relationship between love and hate. Leave me some comments.

*The Question of the Week can be found in The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

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3 thoughts on “Question of the Week #29

  1. Anyone that quotes Will Smith, is definitely a friend of mine! I think it depends on how extreme of a circumstance you face. I’m sure anyone that has experienced rape, beat-downs, that sort of threat to their well-being thing. For their own sake might be able to forgive (for their health), but still border on hate for the individual responsible. I suppose for communication purposes, we’d have to all be on the same page what the definition of hate is.
    I googled, and this definition was the first: 1.feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone).

    Well, based off that, yeah. I had a total love/hate relationship for 4years. One that he emotionally abused me, but somehow sucked me back into the relationship. Before I ended the relationship, I could see myself stuck half in love and half hating him for the terrible things he’d say and do. Finally, I moved out and our bank account- he stole money from me! He moved it all into his name! Actually, it was money he owed on the 2nd he took out on our house. I begged him to pay it back, that’s what I was going to do… he kept it and declined to pay- stating he was back at status quo for putting the down payment on the house…but expected me to make payments on the loan. While he kept the money! I was young(25) and had no money, a job that paid $9.30/hour. I could barely make ends meet with a roommate. Oh, yeah, at that time… I HATED him. I wanted him in jail for taking all our money, and leaving me with a huge loan debt that I co-signed for him and never wanted, but he made me feel badly if I didn’t- that I didn’t love him! I never needed to make our brand new house look so beautiful on the outside that people envied us. I already had the foreclosure on my record for the house loan that he needed me to be a second person on the loan…When I moved, I desperately hoped he would see reason and just needed to get over our break-up…and pay back the 2nd loan. I saw an attorney who heard me out and looked at the contract and stated there wasn’t much I could do- basically, it would cost more in attorney’s fees and he couldn’t see a way to win. So basically, I was screwed. I had to hope he’d pay back the loan. I had no idea until years & years later, that he claimed bankruptcy almost immediately. At that time, because I was so broke and changing jobs to increase my salary, I moved almost every year. It had been too many years so no one came after me for the $$. I think the loan officer protected me like he would his own daughter- I think some things weren’t recorded property or maybe typo’d. They didn’t have my social security number. Eventually, statue of limitations applied. I got extremely lucky that no one ever garnished my wages.

    I saw that bastard years later, as I wanted to see his mom (she was a wonderful lady) and tell her I was getting married and having baby…that loser was still living at their house (almost 40 years old at that time)- he told me he claimed bankruptcy almost immediately and was able to keep the thousands of dollars. He got away with stealing the money, and a NEW JEEP. And he got our dog. And when I told him no one asked me for the money and that I didn’t have to claim bankruptcy- he was mad. Fuck. Asshole. Yeah, you bet I HATED him back then.

    I’ve since forgiven, because I’m no longer worried that people are chasing me for money. And am happily married. Time heals all wounds kind of thing…well, time just helps you forget so you can move on…but when you think about it…I get pissed at the situation all over again. But I no longer hate him. I feel sorry for him, actually. But during that time…you bet, I hated someone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been extremely angry at people, and I’ve hated things that have been done, either to me or to others, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly hated anyone. However, I’ve certainly acted incredibly hateful towards others at times. Sadly, it wasn’t until I moved away from home for college that I learned that being hateful wasn’t a badge of strength to be proud of.

    I think a part of me has a hard time thinking anyone could truly, perfectly hate anyone, just as I think none of us can fully, perfectly love another (that’s not to say I am right, though- I fully concede to that). We do our best, but we are only human. Do I love my husband and child? Absolutely. Do I always show that love and always treat them lovingly? Unfortunately, no. I wish I did, but I fail. Often.

    I love these quotes from Frankenstein by Mary Shelley regarding love/hate.
    “I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”
    and
    “No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.”

    And it’s your blog- you don’t need to apologize for rambling. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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