Not too long ago, I posted here that I would like to run for president, now that I’m legally old enough to do so. What will make me stand out in the crowd of, literally, dozens of potential candidates? All of my speeches will incorporate lines from the great movie presidents throughout the history of film. Jen, who has stated that she wants to be my press secretary once I’m elected, gave me an example of how an interview with me may go. Bonus points if you can identify the movie each quote is from…
Reporter: Thank you for meeting with me today, Mr. President. I know your time is limited. How are you today, sir?
President Aaron: Good. My nervousness exists on… several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven’t done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I’m… you know…
Reporter: (chuckling) The most powerful man in the world? Good one, sir, I promise to be gentle. Now, you talked about how congress recently denied appropriations you requested. How did you feel about that refusal to advance your legislation? Did it in any way make you feel less presidential? (President Aaron pushes a red button while the reporter is asking the question) Sir, what’s with the red button?
President Aaron: Somewhere in Libya, right now, a janitor’s working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He’s going about doing his job… because he has no idea, in about an hour he’s going to die in a massive explosion. He’s just going about his job, because he has no idea (President Aaron points to the red button) I just gave an order to have him killed. You’ve just seen me do the least presidential thing I do.
Reporter: Touche, sir. Moving on… You recently nominated Bryce Greene to serve as the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. A staggering move considering he is only eighteen years old. How do you explain your reasoning behind this?
President Aaron: If you’ve ever seen the look on somebody’s face the day they finally get a job, I’ve had some experience with this, they look like they could fly. And it’s not about a paycheck. It’s about respect. It’s about looking in the mirror and knowing that you’ve done something valuable with your day.
Reporter: Okay. On to a lighter topic. Mr. President, it seems as if the United States is having what congress is referring to as a minor disagreement with our neighbor to the north. Canada is politely asking the United States to do our part in helping keep our shared border free of garbage and debris. We’ve always had an excellent relationship with the Canadian government and I assume we will continue on that course. So what’s your plan of action there?
President Aaron: In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And we will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore…
Reporter: But, sir, it’s only a few pieces of garbage and, to be perfectly honest, it’s mainly ours.
President Aaron: We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win, this day will be remembered as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!
Reporter: Sir, now I’m just going to ask you some rapid fire questions. Please answer as quickly as possible. What are you thinking right now?
President Aaron: Do you think there will ever be a time when you can stand in a room with me and not think of me as the president?
Reporter: What are your plans for tomorrow?
President Aaron: I’m gonna get the guns.
Reporter: Who are you?
President Aaron: My name is Aaron Peck and I am the President.
Reporter: If I were to sneak onto Air Force One and you saw me, what would you say?
President Aaron: GET OFF MY PLANE!
Reporter: And, if I may, I’d like to give you one last scenario… Mr. President, one of your main accomplishments has been in restoring long lost allies to the United States. A feat many thought would be virtually impossible. Let’s say, tomorrow, you get that fated call. The United States has been hit hard and we need backup. Who do you think would be our most trusted ally? Who would you call first?
President Aaron: Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where are you?!…
Reporter: Mr. President, thank you for your time.