Random Hearts

1999

Directed by Sydney Pollack

Welcome back to Movie Monday, friends! We’re continuing our journey through my personal hall of shame – the 100 worst movies I’ve ever seen. Remember, these rankings are entirely subjective, so your mileage may vary. Today’s feature comes in at #71: the 1999 romantic drama Random Hearts, starring Harrison Ford and Kristin Scott Thomas.

Now, picture this: It’s 1999, and I’m in college. Someone suggests going to see the new Harrison Ford movie on a Friday night. I mean, it’s Harrison Ford! The guy who brought us Han Solo and Indiana Jones! What could possibly go wrong? Oh, sweet summer child…

Before we dive into why this movie earned a spot on my worst-of list, let’s talk about what we’re dealing with here. Random Hearts tells the story of Dutch Van Den Broeck (Ford), a Washington D.C. police sergeant, and Kay Chandler (Thomas), a congresswoman running for reelection. These two strangers discover their spouses were having an affair when said spouses conveniently die together in a plane crash. Because nothing says “meet cute” like discovering your dead spouse was cheating on you, am I right?

The Development Hell That Should Have Been a Warning

Maybe we should have seen the warning signs. This film spent 15 years in development hell before finally making it to screens. Dustin Hoffman was originally interested but bailed after rejecting multiple script drafts (smart man). Then Kevin Costner was attached to star with James L. Brooks directing, but that version never materialized either. When multiple talented people keep passing on your project, perhaps it’s time to ask why.

Harrison Ford Phones It Home

Look, I love Harrison Ford. The man has given us some of the most iconic characters in cinema history. But in Random Hearts, he seems about as invested in his character as I am in learning advanced calculus (which is to say, not at all). His performance as Dutch feels less like the intense, grieving husband investigating his wife’s infidelity and more like someone who just remembered he left his garage door open.

The script calls for Ford to play a man obsessed with uncovering every detail of his wife’s affair, but his portrayal comes across as merely mildly annoyed. It’s like watching someone investigate a missing sock rather than a betrayal that undermined his entire marriage. When Harrison Ford can’t make me care about a character’s emotional journey, something has gone seriously wrong.

The Chemistry Experiment That Failed

Ford and Kristin Scott Thomas are both talented actors with impressive resumes. However, their romantic chemistry in this film is about as explosive as a wet match. Their characters are supposed to be drawn together by their shared trauma, but instead, they seem drawn together by… well, the script says so.

The movie wants us to believe that these two people, both reeling from devastating betrayals, find solace and eventually romance with each other. But their relationship feels less like a natural progression and more like a forced march toward an inevitable conclusion. Their scenes together have all the passion of two people discussing tax reform.

The Plot That Keeps on Plotting

Sometimes, a simple premise gets overcomplicated by unnecessary subplots, and Random Hearts is guilty as charged. We’ve got:

• The main plot about the affair and its discovery
• Kay’s reelection campaign
• Dutch’s ongoing police investigation
• The cleanup of the secret love nest
• Dutch getting shot by a suspect from his police case
• Kay’s teenage daughter dealing with the fallout
• Various political machinations

It’s like the screenwriter was paid by the subplot. Any one of these threads could have been interesting if properly developed, but instead, we get a little bit of everything and not enough of anything.

The Pacing That Time Forgot

At two hours and thirteen minutes, Random Hearts feels about as long as actual random hearts would take to align. The film moves with all the urgency of a sleepy snail. There are long, lingering shots of people looking pensive, extended sequences of investigation that go nowhere, and enough pregnant pauses to fill a maternity ward.

Sydney Pollack, the director, has made some fantastic films (Tootsie, Out of Africa), but here his usually sure hand seems to have lost its grip on pacing. The film meanders through its runtime like a tourist without a map, occasionally stopping to admire the scenery but never really getting anywhere.

Why It Made The List

Let me be clear: I’m not a fan of stories centered around infidelity to begin with. Had I known that’s what I was walking into that Friday night in 1999, I probably would have opted for a quiet evening in my dorm room instead. But even setting aside my personal distaste for the subject matter, Random Hearts earned its spot at #71 on my worst-movies list through sheer mediocrity.

It’s not that it’s aggressively terrible – it’s more that it’s aggressively nothing. It’s a film that seems to actively resist being interesting. It takes a premise that should be inherently dramatic (discovering your dead spouse was having an affair) and somehow makes it boring. It takes Harrison Ford, one of the most charismatic actors in Hollywood, and makes him dull. It takes a runtime of over two hours and makes it feel like four.

The Box Office Verdict

It seems I wasn’t alone in my assessment. With a budget of $64 million, Random Hearts only managed to earn about $31.5 million domestically. Even with international earnings bringing the total to $74.6 million, this was far from a success. Critics were equally unimpressed, with the film earning a measly 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. Even the audience response was lukewarm, with CinemaScore reporting an average grade of C-.

Final Thoughts

You know those movies that are so bad they’re good? Random Hearts isn’t one of them. It’s just… there. It exists in that peculiar limbo of films that had everything going for them – talented director, stellar cast, decent budget – and still managed to be less entertaining than watching paint dry.

If you’re a completionist determined to watch every Harrison Ford movie ever made, I suppose you’ll have to suffer through this one eventually. But if you’re looking for a good romantic drama, or a good Harrison Ford movie, or really just a good way to spend two hours and thirteen minutes of your life, look elsewhere.

What saves this film from ranking lower on my worst-movies list is that it’s more forgettable than actively offensive. It’s like bland oatmeal – you won’t enjoy it, but it probably won’t ruin your day either. Unless, of course, you paid full price to see it in theaters. Not that I’m still bitter about that or anything…

Join me next week for another installment in my ongoing series of cinematic disappointments. Until then, remember: life is too short for mediocre movies, but sometimes we watch them anyway, so at least we can complain about them together.

Have you seen Random Hearts? Did you find it as mind-numbingly dull as I did, or did you discover something to love in this tale of love among the recently bereaved? Let me know in the comments below!