Welcome to Movie Mondays, a weekly blog series that takes you on a cinematic odyssey through the world of film! Each week, we’ll dive into a list of my 100 least favorite movies, exploring what makes them fall short and discussing the lessons we can learn from their missteps. Remember that these low-ranking films are only that way based on my personal opinion. Something I hate may be something you love and no offense is intended. Wherever these movies fall for you, I invite you to grab some popcorn and join in on the debate over these films’ merits!

Twilight; New Moon; Eclipse; Breaking Dawn Part 1; Breaking Dawn Part 2

2008; 2009; 2010; 2011; 2012

Directed by Catherine Hardwicke; Chris Weitz; David Slade; Bill Condon

Ah, The Twilight Saga… Where do I even begin with this sparkling mess of a film series? For this entry in my ongoing blog series on movies I despise, I simply couldn’t pick just one Twilight film. No, I had to lump all five together, because, in my humble opinion, they are all equally dreadful. Brace yourselves, dear readers, as we dive into the cringe-worthy world of Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and the rest of the Forks gang.

Let’s start with the plot, shall we? Bella Swan, a mopey, personality-devoid teenager, moves to the perpetually overcast town of Forks, Washington. There, she meets Edward Cullen, a brooding, sparkly vampire who has apparently been 17 for over a century (talk about being held back). Despite Edward’s initial aversion to Bella, the two fall in love, because apparently, stalking and emotional manipulation are the key ingredients to a healthy relationship. Oh, and let’s not forget Jacob Black, the hunky werewolf who serves as the third point in this eye-roll-inducing love triangle.

Throughout the series, we’re subjected to a plethora of wooden performances from the cast. Kristen Stewart’s portrayal of Bella is about as expressive as a brick wall, while Robert Pattinson’s Edward seems constantly constipated (maybe it’s all that animal blood?). Taylor Lautner’s Jacob spends most of his screen time shirtless, which I suppose is meant to distract us from his lackluster acting skills.

Behind the scenes, the crew seemed hell-bent on bringing Stephenie Meyer’s atrocious source material to life. Director Catherine Hardwicke kicked things off with Twilight in 2008, followed by Chris Weitz’s New Moon in 2009, David Slade’s Eclipse in 2010, and finally, Bill Condon’s Breaking Dawn Part 1 and 2 in 2011 and 2012 respectively. Each director brought their own brand of mediocrity to the table, resulting in a series that consistently fails to impress.

Now, I know some of you might be die-hard Twihards, ready to defend this series with your last breath. But let’s be real here – Bella Swan is quite possibly the worst protagonist in literary history. She’s whiny, dependent, and has about as much agency as a wet napkin. And don’t even get me started on the sparkling vampire nonsense. Last I checked, vampires burst into flames in the sun, not glitter like a kindergartener’s art project.

In conclusion, The Twilight Saga is a prime example of what happens when terrible writing meets subpar filmmaking. It’s a series that has somehow managed to captivate audiences worldwide, despite its glaring flaws and laughable premise. But hey, to each their own, right? If you’re a fan of the series, more power to you. Just don’t expect me to join you on Team Edward or Team Jacob anytime soon.

So, dear readers, what are your thoughts on The Twilight Saga? Do you agree with my scathing assessment, or are you ready to defend Bella and her supernatural suitors? Let me know in the comments below – just be prepared for some friendly debate!