Spending Time

I spent some time with my grandmother today. And I know that will make my mother happy.

But that’s not why I did it. It’s because I had some extra time in my day and was able to do so. It’s because I know the hours she has left with us are precious and few. It’s because after all these years it still feels like a major accomplishment to make her smile.

It’s hard for me to make time to see my grandmother sometimes. I wish that weren’t the case, but it is. And I don’t exactly know what it is that makes making time for her so difficult. Sure, life is what it is… busy. But it can also be difficult because while she is exactly the same woman I’ve known my entire life, pieces of her seem to have been chipped away over the years.

Gone is the no nonsense, resilient, energetic grandmother that I knew in my childhood. The woman who would cook full meals for small armies. The woman who could get me and my cousin to change our behavior with just a look. She’s been replaced by a woman who’s a little more vulnerable. She’s weak and in pain… she’s unsteady and seems so unsure…

That’s hard to see.

As I said, the hours remaining are precious and few. Though, I suppose, the same could be true of all of us, depending on one’s point of view. I guess it’s up to us to make the decision not to squander those precious, few hours.

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