Dedicated

I should preface this by saying that I really don’t listen to the radio that much. This puts me at quite the disadvantage whenever anyone brings up whatever the latest chart toppers might be or what artists the cool kids are all listening to these days. Maybe it’s a byproduct of getting older, but I’m really not impressed in those rare occasions that I do catch the new music.

Personally, I prefer listening to a Spotify playlist that I’ve put together made up of songs that I know I like. I find that there’s zero chance I’ll accidentally hear anything by Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande that way.

However, I will occasionally turn on the radio in my car. When this happens, I’m usually listening to one of those local stations that plays 80s, 90s, and 2000s songs. I guess you’d call it the oldies station. I mean, I don’t like to think of the songs of Journey as oldies, but those songs are now older than a lot of the songs I considered oldies when I was growing up in the 80s. Man, I feel old now…

Anyway, this station carries the Delilah radio show every evening. If you’re not familiar, Delilah hosts a nationally syndicated radio program. It’s pretty sappy. She takes calls and reads letters from listeners who share their stories that I’m sure would make someone with a soul cry from time to time. Not me, though. I’m far too cynical to be affected by a caller who’s asking Delilah to play a song for their mom who gave them a really special Christmas eight years ago.

That sounded mean. If you are affected by those stories, I apologize. If that is your story, I also apologize. But that’s not gonna stop me from continuing my cynical attitude in this post. So… sorry, not sorry?

Once Christmas was over this week, this station abruptly went from playing the same 12 Christmas songs on repeat 24/7 back to its normal repertoire of 80s, 90s, and 2000s. Which meant Delilah was back on that, too. And I just happened to be listening as Delilah took to the airwaves Thursday night. What I heard got me thinking…

What is the statistic on relationships that are saved by a guy calling in to Delilah and dedicating a song to some girl?

She took a call from a dude who started talking about this woman who he thought was the love of his life. But he screwed it up, as we guys often do (and Delilah seems eager to point out, BTW). Delilah was actually pretty lenient with this guy, because when she asked how bad he messed up on a scale of 1 to 10, he said 14. I can’t remember what he said happened, in fact he may not have said at all. But whatever he did say, she seemed to think it wasn’t as unforgivable as to go over the 10-point scale. Well, as is often the case, the guy asked Delilah if she’d play a song to show his lady friend how sorry he is and how badly he wants to get back together with her.

Again, I ask: how many relationships are actually saved by guys dedicating songs to girls on the radio? There have to be numbers on this. There are studies for everything! If no one has yet to apply for a government grant to find out this information, I’m gonna go for it. I just have to figure out how to write a proper grant proposal. Alternatively, Delilah, if you’re reading this, let me know what kinds of stats your people have.

Here’s how I see it working out…

Valerie arrives home from her third date with Scott. It was a nice night and she likes him, she’s just not sure if it’s really going to go anywhere. As she makes her way around the front of the house, she notices Mitch, her ex-boyfriend, waiting for her on her porch. She doesn’t mean to roll her eyes, but it’s kind of a reflex at this point.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

Mitch looks at her sadly, clearly hurt by her tone. “I miss you and I want another chance.”

Valerie laughs a little before she catches herself. Like the eye roll, it’s more reflexive than a conscious decision.

“I’m serious,” pleaded Mitch, “I called Delilah and let her know how sorry I was and got her to play that Savage Garden song that you always liked.”

Valerie stiffened in surprise, “You mean ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’?”

“Is there any other?”

Hearing this, Valerie couldn’t help herself. She rushed to Mitch’s arms and begged him to take her back. And they lived happily ever after.

That’s how it could have happened. But here’s what really happened. Probably…

“I called Delilah and let her know how sorry I was and got her to play that Savage Garden song that you always liked.”

Valerie stiffened in surprise, “You mean ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’?”

“Is there any other?”

Hearing this, Valerie couldn’t help herself. She pulled out her phone and began to dial 9-1-1. “Mitch, you’re crazy if you think that calling a nationally syndicated radio show and spilling your guts to a million complete strangers and dedicating a song I liked in middle school to me is going to win me back. Get out of here. Now. Or I’ll press send and let the police know that my ex-boyfriend is stalking me and won’t leave my property long enough to even allow me to enter my own home.”

“But…” Mitch began and stopped when Valerie held up the phone to show she was serious. He left without another word.

Valerie went inside, making sure to lock the door behind her, and poured herself a glass of wine. She carried her glass into the den where she sank into her overstuffed sofa and sighed. “Alexa, play ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply.”

Valerie closed her eyes and smiled as the Savage Garden classic began to play. Then another thought hit her. “Alexa, remind me to contact my attorney regarding a restraining order against Mitch tomorrow.”

She wasn’t sure if it would work out with Scott. She knew it wouldn’t work out with Mitch. But she felt that, no matter what, she and Alexa would live happily ever after.

4 thoughts on “Dedicated

  1. I would say maybe 1 out of 100 relationships are actually saved that way lol. The Delilah show puts me to sleep… so I avoid it at all costs when I’m driving – and I actually do listen to the radio on a regular basis. But just to let you know, I would say that you are in the majority with your Spotify playlist routine. I feel like the minority when I tell someone I listen to the radio, they just kind of stare at me like I’m from a different planet.

    Like

  2. I think that for the song to have the intended effect it, and the person’s heart felt plea, need to be heard by the person it’s dedicated to. I much prefer a phone call or a text with an apology. I never listen to the radio unless I’m driving the kids I nanny some place.

    Although I right away thought of that episode of friends where Ross had done something and Rachel broke up with him so Ross called a radio station to have a song played for her (ya know cos that was the thing in the 90’s not like now…who would do that now?) and then Ross calls Monica and asks her to turn on the radio and Rachel hears it being dedicated to her with an apology from Ross. THEN Rachel calls the radio station, tells the lady what Ross did and she stops the song half way through and says “um yeah I’m not playing this for you Ross.”

    Liked by 1 person

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