It’s Valentine’s Day again. Honestly, I couldn’t care less. I’m not dating anyone to convince me to care. However, my current predicament of being on Whole30 for the month of February (plus two days in March) got me thinking…

What if you’re dating someone on Whole30?

I mean, let’s say your sweetheart is doing Whole30 this month and a day that’s traditionally filled with hearts filled with chocolates just isn’t gonna cut it. You can’t hand her a Russell Stover sampler and say, “Here you go, honey… Just hold on to that until March 3! I’m sure it’ll still be just as delicious when it’s two weeks stale!” They say anticipation is the greater part of pleasure. Not sure that works with chocolate.

I wouldn’t know. I still don’t like chocolate.

Anyway, so what if you want to get your lady a special edible gift for Valentine’s Day? Well, why not take one of those fancy, heart-shaped boxes and empty the chocolate out. Fill it, instead, with various nuts that are Whole30 approved? Walnuts, almonds, cashews… You know, the good stuff. And while you’re at it, why not throw in some dried fruits as well? Mangoes, raisins, plantain chips… I don’t know…It’s hard for me to get excited about dried fruit and nuts. Even two weeks into this thing. I still want pizza. And so, I assume, would any reasonable woman of sound mind and body that I could possibly be dating.

You can’t give her chocolates. You can’t give her ice cream. You can’t crack upon a bottle of champagne. Best of luck with that, gentlemen.