Rewatching Buffy – Episodes 4, 5, & 6

buffy-titleWelcome to Rewatching Buffy, the part of the blog where I rewatch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Each Tuesday evening, you’re invited to join me as I attempt to rediscover what made me love this show 20 years ago.

Well, I didn’t receive any negative feedback after last week’s entry. So, we continue! Welcome back, Slayers and Slayerettes! Sorry, I’ll never say that again…

Teacher’s Pet

  • “In every generation…” Blah, blah, blah… Let’s get on with it!
  • I’m not usually this impatient. I just… I know the spiel. I think there’s a point where they stop with the opening. Maybe after we get through season 2. I know there’s a whole slew of episodes where Giles does the voice over.
  • It’s a lot classier when he does it. I think it’s the accent.
  • What do we have here? A vampire at the Bronze? And Buffy is easily taken down?
  • And Xander saves her? …Something is not right on the Hellmouth.
  • Now Xander is finishing his guitar solo…
  • Oh… it’s because he’s dreaming. In biology. Makes sense.
  • When I was in high school dreaming about saving girls’ lives, it was always in bio.
  • Dr. Biology wants to see Buffy after class. She’s kind of in trouble. But it’s because the teacher believes in her and thinks that she can excel. “Make them eat that permanent record.”
  • Because Buffy burned down the gym at her last school. *Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
  • But then, of course, the good bio teacher is attacked by an unseen assailant. It’s likely he’s dead. But until there’s a body, I won’t count him.
  • Clearly, this is a Xander-centric episode. He’s hanging with the cool guys and trying to play it cool.
  • It’s not working.
  • Angel shows up at The Bronze to give Buffy a cryptic message and his coat. Because he needed exercise his 2nd amendment rights.
  • That was his right to bare arms. Get it? Bare arms?
  • Never before seen attractive woman makes a bee line to Xander to ask for directions. Definitely a Xander-centric episode.
  • Entering bio, Buffy finds Dr. Biology’s glasses on the floor. She finds it odd that he wouldn’t pick them up.
  • Never before seen attractive woman is Ms. French, substitute bio teacher.
  • She seems offended that Buffy would consider a bug ugly.
  • She goes on to describe, in excruciating detail, just what the praying mantis’ mating ritual is like.
  • Cordelia storms into the cafeteria’s kitchen screaming about her medically prescribed lunch.
  • Of course that means she discovers Dr. Biology’s headless body stuffed in the freezer.
  • Buffy thinks Angel’s message about a bad guy with a fork for a hand might be behind Dr. Biology’s death.
  • Personally, I think think the new teacher’s discussion of bugs decapitating other bugs is a little coincidental for the culprit to be a guy with a fork for a hand. Just sayin’.
  • Here comes a vampire with a fork for a hand. He fights Buffy but is run off by police showing up.
  • But this is odd, he comes across Ms. French who’s walking home from the grocery store late at night. He doesn’t attack. He freaks out and crawls into the nearest manhole.
  • Who walks home with two sacks full of groceries late at night in Sunnydale?!
  • “I’m an undead monster who can shave with my hand… How many things am I afraid of?” Good point, Buffy.
  • So, Buffy’s late for bio. She looks in the window and Ms. French turns her head all the way around.
  • She’s definitely a giant praying mantis.
  • Ms. French is now inviting Xander to her place to work on a project. Teachers shouldn’t do that.
  • That was right before she ate a sandwich made of live crickets.
  • She’s definitely a giant praying mantis.
  • The teacher offered Xander a martini. Pretty sure she roofied him.
  • And now he’s in a cage. And she has revealed her true form.
  • Yep. Giant praying mantis.
  • She’s collecting virgin males.
  • I used to collect comic books. I guess everyone has their thing.
  • Buffy, Willow, & Giles are looking for the big bug.
  • Willow suggests banging on doors in the neighborhood.
  • Buffy says they don’t have time for that, but they do have time for her to look in the sewers for fork-handed vampire to sniff her out. Because logic.
  • Whatever. It worked. Buffy stakes Forky then attacks the giant bug with bug spray.
  • The next day at school, the kids have a real bio sub. Things are back to normal. And then we see a giant leftover mantis egg hatching. Oh, the suspense!
  • Body Count: Humans – 1; Vampires – 1; Giant Bug Ladies – 1

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

  • We open with Buffy fighting a vampire in a graveyard. If I had a nickel…
  • She dusts the vampire and Giles critiques her technique, then picks up a ring left behind by the dusty vampire.
  • Remember the Master from the series premiere? We’re getting another look at him.
  • He’s reading a really old book about some Anointed One. Sounds ominous.
  • Buffy likes a boy!
  • His name’s Owen. He likes poetry. He’s dreamy.
  • Owen shows interest in Buffy over Cordelia. Cordelia isn’t sure how this is possible.
  • Buffy’s excited about her date, but Giles warns that there’s a prophecy a brewin’.
  • So Buffy misses her date with Owen. But nothing happens.
  • At least, not where they’re looking.
  • Cue the bus with the creepy guy telling people they’re gonna be judged.
  • Meanwhile, Buffy gets to the Bronze just in time to see Owen dancing with Cordelia.
  • Cut back to the bus, which hits a vampire standing in the road. “Five will die and from them the Anointed shall rise.”
  • The next day at school, Owen reschedules his date with Buffy. All is well.
  • The Master is monologuing again. “If she tries to stop you, kill her.”
  • I assume he’s talking about Buffy. Shouldn’t that be a basic rule of thumb for vampires? Kill the Slayer.
  • Giles interrupts as Buffy prepares for her date, showing the headline regarding five who died in the bus accident.
  • That really ups the body count for this episode.
  • Buffy argues that she should be able to go on a date and still be the Slayer. Bonus points for referencing the fact that Clark Kent has a job.
  • Buffy - Beep Me.gif“If the apocalypse comes, beep me.”
  • Remember beepers?
  • There seems to be no shortage of indy emo bands that show up at the Bronze.
  • Giles goes to the morgue alone to investigate one of the bus victims.
  • It’s a guy who was wanted for questioning in the case of a double homicide.
  • And he’s cornered by two vampires.
  • Angel now interrupts Buffy’s date. And he seems kind of jealous when he finds out that Buffy’s there with a guy.
  • Xander and Willow interrupt Buffy’s date. It’s all very cozy.
  • “Let’s all go to the morgue!” Fun double date adventure!
  • Why do people think that barricading a door with furniture isn’t enough, that throwing pillows and lampshades on top will help?
  • In trying to stay away from the bad guys, Owen, Willow, and Xander find the undead double homicide suspect.
  • He could be the Anointed One. Or he could be what Houdini called “misdirection.”
  • Owen actually comes through and helps Buffy out. And is subsequently knocked unconscious.
  • Buffy cremates the potential Anointed. That’s a new one.
  • The date ends on a not so high note. But the next day, Owen wants another date.
  • Because he’s discovered he’s an adrenaline junky. Not what Buffy is looking for in a dude.
  • Turns out the Anointed One was a kid that was on the bus. Didn’t see that coming, did you?
  • Body count: Humans – 5; Vampires – 2

The Pack

  • Aww… mean kids. They’re making fun of Buffy.
  • “Careful, she might beat you up!” mocks one of the bullies. You have no idea, dude.
  • Xander follows the mean kids into the hyena habitat.
  • Creepy zookeeper tells Buffy and Willow about creepy hyena folklore.
  • Xander and the mean kids make glowy eye contact with the hyenas and then all start laughing. Some kind of spirit transference?
  • Guess we’re looking at another Xander-centric episode.
  • He’s kind of being a jerk. Like a hyena.
  • I assume hyenas are jerks.
  • Always laughing at other animals on the Savannah.
  • Meet Herbert, the live pig dressed to look like a Sunnydale Razorback.
  • I assume we’ve been introduced to a live pig so that it can become a snack for the hyena people later on.
  • It’s raining. Which translates to dodgeball in the gym. Apparently.
  • Buffy and Willow are on one team. Xander’s on the other team with the mean kids.
  • It’s like they’re a pack.
  • Oh, I get the title now. Ha.
  • Buffy’s the last woman standing on one side. Instead of going after the Slayer, they turn on the last remaining person on their team that isn’t part of their pack. Weird.
  • Xander pretty much crushes Willow. Words hurt. But he and his new buds think it’s hilarious.
  • I get it, I really do. It’s funny because it’s mean.
  • The pack begins to look for food. Hot dogs are too well done. So guess who’s cage they rattle.
  • RIP, Herbert the Razorback.
  • Ingesting raw pork can cause trichinosis.
  • Buffy goes to Giles with all the evidence regarding Xander’s bad behavior.
  • Giles thinks Xander is just being a normal teenage boy.
  • Herbert’s remains have been discovered. Principal Flutie confronts the pack, minus Xander.
  • Buffy - Flutie Attacked.gifThis leads to Principal Flutie being eaten. By the pack. Minus Xander.
  • Meanwhile, Buffy knocks out Xander and locks him up in the book cage in the library after his failed attempt at sexual assault.
  • Um, why is there a book cage in a high school library? It’s not Hogwarts. There aren’t forbidden books there, are there?
  • Wait, it’s the Hellmouth. There could be forbidden books.
  • Creepy zookeeper is willing to help reverse the hyena possession. That seems super helpful.
  • The pack rescues Xander from the book cage. That seems super helpful.
  • Giles goes ahead to the hyena cage while Buffy leads the pack there.
  • Creepy zookeeper turns out to be the actual bad guy. The kids interrupted his attempt to get possessed by the hyenas.
  • Creepy zookeeper gets possessed. Then as he tries to fight Buffy, he falls into the hyena cage. Fitting.
  • Body count: Humans – 2; Pigs – 1

I hope you’ve enjoyed this installment of Rewatching Buffy. Come back next week when we discover the truth about Angel!

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