Viewing Notes: The Bachelor

I don’t regularly watch the Bachelor. I don’t pick up ABC on my fancy antenna and none of my friends invite me to their Bachelor watching parties because they say they’re just for girls but the truth is that my scathing sarcastic comments while watching the show would probably crush their poor spirits. Anyway, Paul did watch the Bachelor last night and shared his thoughts with the internet. I very much approve. Seriously, you don’t even have to have seen the show to laugh at his commentary. Do it!

The Captain's Speech

Hi, my name is Paul, and I watch The Bachelor.

If you’re not judging me right now, you should be. Do I care? Care rhymes with hair, which sits on my head. So no, I don’t care. I just made a rhyme. What?

Good, you’re confused.

Let’s get through this train wreck together, whether you watch the show or not. Hopefully you find this entertaining, enlightening, and engenucational. I made up that last one.

Note: If I say “Drink!”, it’s because I’m playing a fake drinking game with all of you. Don’t actually drink. It’s just a fake game. Like this show.

  • The Bachelor this year is a guy named Nick. He has been on this show about 12 times already. I’m not a fan.
  • Cue the annual montage of the lead jogging around town without a shirt on. Fast forwarding.
  • The only shirtless people I ever see jogging…

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