The Single Guy Talks About the Weather

The following is based on actual events which occurred a number of years ago…

He knew it was a mistake as soon as he opened his mouth to speak. But by then it was already too late. The path from his brain to his lips was far too short a distance and before he could take it back, the Single Guy had already made a comment about the weather.

Rule number one when attempting to have an interesting conversation is to ever talk about the weather. That’s what boring people and the elderly talk about when they’re desperate to talk to someone. That’s not an acceptable topic of conversation when trying to get into the good graces of your friendly neighborhood Spider-Girl.

But it had been a hot day. In fact, it was all any of the other customers seemed to be able to talk about. The Single Guy was getting really sick of hearing, “It sure is hot out there!” or “Man, it’s a scorcher today!” He knows how to deal with these conversations. He smiles and nods while politely ignoring the topic. He runs the customers’ transactions and sends them along on their merry way. And yet, he fell victim to the seed that had apparently been planted in his mind.

It was the first thing that came to mind when he saw the Spider-Girl drive up to his window. He greeted her and then asked, “Is it as hot as everyone keeps saying it is?” She didn’t laugh. Instead, in a symbolic act of dismissal, she waved her hand and just said no.

The Single Guy felt as if he had just witnessed all of the invisible lines of communication between him and Spider-girl become severed. He made her deposit and wished her a pleasant afternoon before she drove away. Afterward, he mentally kicked himself again and again.

“No one wants to talk about the weather!” he yelled, berating himself.

This comes only a day after he felt as if he made some actual progress with her. In asking about her weekend, the conversation turned to finding out that she waited tables at a local pizza place part-time. When he found this out he couldn’t help but smile. He thought about how much they now had in common: they both worked second jobs in the pizza industry, they both complained about having to work on the weekends, they both screamed like a girl whenever a spider was crawling on them.

And then he had to ruin it by mentioning the weather. He may as well have leaned into the microphone and said, “Hot enough for ya?” Now he’s left wondering if he’ll have a chance to recuperate from this misstep. Will he be able to rebuild himself in her eyes, or will Spider-Girl forever view the Single Guy as an uninteresting character who falls back on the weather when there’s seemingly nothing else to talk about?The Single Guy Talks About the Weather - Boring Conversation


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