Working in a school setting, I get excited by the prospect of extra days off. See, as much as I enjoy the work I do, it’s still work. And who wouldn’t rather sleep late on a Tuesday if you’re able to? Especially when the alternative is waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for the day. So I thought there might be some good reasons for the school to get shut down.

Snow – Obvs.

Too Cold – But it’s not snowing… I don’t care! It’s too cold to make these kids stand and wait for the bus!

Too Windy – But it’s not snowing… I don’t care! Those kids could be blown into the road only to be run over by a bus!

It’s Raining – No one wants to do anything except crawl back under the covers when it’s raining, try and convince me otherwise.

Earthquake – Even the slightest tremor should be worthy of closing everything.

What, That Was Just a Big Truck That Drove By? – Clearly the building is unsound and could collapse in on itself at any moment. Can’t have kids there until the structure has been completely reinforced.

Someone Sneezed – We don’t need to begin a pandemic!

Someone Has Pink Eye – See above… that stuff spreads like wildfire!

Someone Has Hand Foot & Mouth Disease – See above… Also, burn that joint to the ground!

It’s a Day That Ends in ‘Y’ – You mean that’s every day? I rest my case.