Free Cable

I was never privy to a first-hand account of the following story. But it’s a funny one and comes from my friend, Mark.

Back in the Bluefield days, there was a guy who, upon entering his freshman year, was excited to find out that cable am as a part of our room and board. So, this freshman decided one day to go to the Dean of Students office in order to inquire about the free cable. Apparently he wanted to know what he had to do to get it.Free CableFrom time to time, this story comes up and we debate over what the best sarcastic response would be. Obviously, all he had to do was get a cable and connect it from the wall to his TV. But it would have been nice to make a naive kid think that there were certain hoops he had to jump through.

Mark, thus far, has come up with the best possibly fake scenario for this situation: “Well, the first thing you need to do, in order to receive your free cable, is to make a monthly list of everything you plan on watching. Once we approve your viewing choices, then we’ll have the cable in your room turned on. Now, we get a report from Comcast once a month letting us know what’s being watched in each dorm room. If it comes to our attention that you have deviated from your list or are watching something inappropriate, we will not only have your cable shut off, but we will confiscate your television. Now, here’s a TV Guide. Go nuts.”

That’s a pretty good one. And, to a gullible kid who’s just starting out at a Baptist college, it might just work. Okay, I’m gonna watch something inappropriate on the television.

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