Today is my first official day of school (as a student) in seven years. Today I officially begin working toward teacher certification. Not that there’s anything wrong with my career as a counselor. I’m just ready to move into a new career that will be stressful in a different kind of way.
When I was a kid, I told people I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. Here I am, sort of a grown up, and I never followed through with that childhood dream. I even claimed that I wanted to use my summers off to write. Notice that I’ve still never published anything more than these random blog posts.
As badly as I want to switch careers, I feel that I’m equally nervous about being a student again. What if I’m wearing clothes that are out of style? What if my shoes aren’t cool? What if I bought the wrong backpack? Oh yeah, I’m not starting elementary school. And all my classes are online.
The anxiety is definitely there, but it comes from a different place. As I begin these classes, I’m still working two jobs. So what if I’m trying to take on too much at once? With online classes, I’m told I can basically go at my own pace, but what if I still can’t keep up?It would be easy for me to get caught up in these what ifs and forget how to breathe. But maybe it’s just as easy to remind myself to take things one step at a time. All of this is only overwhelming if I allow it to be overwhelming. Mind over matter? Mind over mind?