In any given location in America, one can usually find three local TV stations affiliated with each of the three major broadcast networks. I suppose, in some of the more populated regions, you’ll find news outfits that are affiliated with the Fox Network. Where I live, we really only see local affiliates for CBS, NBC and ABC. And it’s generally understood that these local new stations are bitter rivals. Just as the networks compete for ratings during prime time, local news teams vie for the affections of local viewers during the local news times.

The mental image of these bitter rivalries is probably best manifested in a scene from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. In it, Ron and his news team find themselves in a vicious gang fight, facing off against rival anchors, reporters and meteorologists. The reality, I’m sure, is far less dramatic.

The 4th grade classes at my school are currently studying a unit on weather during the science portion of their day. I suggested that it would be a neat experience to have a local meteorologist visit the school to give some kind of presentation to the kids. Specifically, I suggested inviting the female meteorologist from the local CBS affiliate, but my reasoning may be motivated more by a crush than by educational integrity. Anyway, one teacher told me that, several years ago, they did invite someone to meet with the kids. And in an instance of slight miscommunication, two meteorologists arrived from two different local stations. Cue the dramatic music!

According to these visiting weather men, they would not be able to give their presentations in the same place. So they were each set up in different parts of the school. Some students visited with one while the rest went to see the other. After both presented their meteorological information to the kids, the school provided them with a small reception to thank them for coming. A teacher asked if they would be okay to both be in the same room while they ate cake. One of the meteorologists simply said, “We’re not gonna fight.”

But what if they were gonna fight? And what if they had crazy weather-related super powers to aid them in their fight?

Imagine one of them strolling in wearing a dark, Sith-like hooded cloak. He stretches out his hands and shoots blinding bolts of lightning from his fingertips. Imagine the other taunting his rival, saying, “Prepare for a cold front!” He levitates on a localized cushion of air while directing sleet in his enemy’s direction. That would be awesome!Apparently they ate cake and went their separate ways, peacefully. I know that’s real life, but it’s a much more boring ending.