Something is clearly wrong with me.

When I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15, I remember reading To Kill a Mockingbird. I even saw the movie and a stage version. I don’t remember getting emotional during any of those experiences with that story. Recently, I downloaded the audiobook to listen to as I drove to and from work. Yesterday, as I was listening to Sissy Spacek reading the Harper Lee classic, I began to cry. Not heaving sobs or anything like that. But my eyes welled up with tears. One or two may have even escaped to run down my cheeks.

Later in the day, I was reading a short article that someone had put on Pinterest. It was about a guy who befriended a new kid in school who, several years later, became valedictorian and revealed that he had planned to kill himself that day when he met the person that turned out to be his best friend. All because of one kid’s kindness, he chose not to commit suicide. Guys, I was crying as I read that. But I was crying before I even got to the touching part.

I’ve never described myself as an emotional person. I don’t often cry. I’m not afraid to admit it when I do. Certain movies and songs may evoke an emotional response. But to be moved to tears several times in the span of a day is definitely outside the norm for me.

I don’t actually believe there’s anything wrong with me. It’s possible that I’m just dealing with a lot on my plate at the moment. I’m no longer content with my career and it’s beginning to get to me. I saw the signs coming, but now my frustrations are beginning to boil over. For a long time, I was able to say I loved my job and enjoyed the better part of every day. Sure, I had tough moments, but I felt like those were few and far between. These days, the frustration I feel vastly outweighs the enjoyment I get out of coming to work. I hate feeling this way. But, so often, I feel as if I’m talking to brick walls instead of the children I’m supposed to be helping. What do you do when the only help someone wants is for you to do all the work for them?

I risk breaking into another small crying session this afternoon. I’m approaching the end of my rope. I wonder how I can regain the joy I once felt when I came to work every morning. I wonder how I can make it last just a little while longer.