Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

1999

Directed by Mike Mitchell

Welcome back, cinephiles and masochists alike, to another thrilling installment of Movie Monday! As we continue our descent into the cinematic abyss, working our way down my list of the worst movies I’ve ever had the misfortune of experiencing, we find ourselves at number 76 out of 100. Today’s feature presentation? The 1999 comedy that answers the question absolutely no one was asking: “What if Rob Schneider was a male prostitute?” That’s right, folks. Buckle up, because we’re diving into the shallow end with Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

Before we begin, let me remind you that this list is based solely on my opinion. Something I despise might be your guilty pleasure, and that’s okay. We’re all entitled to our own bad taste. Now, let’s plunge into the tepid waters of late ’90s comedy and explore why this fish-out-of-water tale left me feeling like I needed a shower – and not in a good way.

The Set-Up: A Fish Tank Cleaner’s “Tail”

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo tells the story of our titular hero, Deuce (Rob Schneider), a lowly fish tank cleaner who stumbles into the world’s oldest profession. When a suave male escort named Antoine (Oded Fehr) asks Deuce to house-sit his luxury apartment and care for his prize lionfish, our protagonist sees it as a chance to live the high life. Naturally, because this is a comedy and we can’t have nice things, Deuce manages to destroy the apartment and kill the fish faster than you can say “bad life choices.”

Faced with the prospect of Antoine’s wrath upon his return, Deuce decides the only logical solution is to become a male prostitute himself to pay for the damages. Because, you know, that’s what any rational person would do in this situation. Not get a loan, not sell a kidney, but dive headfirst into the world of man-whoring.

The Execution: As Graceful as a Fish on a Bicycle

From the moment this film hit play on my old college VCR, it was clear we were in for a bumpy ride. The writing is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the funny bone, with jokes that feel like they were scraped from the bottom of the barrel and then given a few more scrapes just for good measure.

Rob Schneider’s performance as Deuce is… well, it’s certainly a performance. It’s the kind of acting that makes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, he wandered onto the wrong set and everyone was too polite to tell him. Schneider has the charisma of a damp sock and the comic timing of a sundial at midnight. It’s a testament to the film’s badness that his portrayal of a reluctant male prostitute is probably the least offensive thing about it.

The movie parades a series of Deuce’s “clients” before us, each one more of a caricature than the last. We’ve got the morbidly obese woman, the Tourette’s syndrome sufferer, the narcoleptic, and the woman with a prosthetic leg. It’s like the writers threw darts at a medical textbook and decided, “Yep, those’ll do for some cheap laughs.”

The Late ’90s Comedy Landscape: A Sinking Ship

To understand the true horror of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, we need to place it in the context of its time. The late ’90s were a golden age for a certain brand of comedy. Adam Sandler was hitting his stride with genuinely funny (and occasionally sweet) films like The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy, and The Waterboy. These weren’t high art, but they had heart and genuine laughs.

Then there was Rob Schneider. It feels like Schneider was part of a generation of Saturday Night Live alumni who were great as supporting characters but struggled when thrust into leading roles. Deuce Bigalow was just the beginning of a string of Schneider-led films that included such cinematic treasures as The Hot Chick and The Animal. It’s as if someone looked at Schneider’s bit parts in Sandler’s movies and thought, “You know what this guy needs? Two hours of screen time and a paper-thin premise.”

Box Office Success: A Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma

Here’s where things get truly baffling. Despite being panned by critics (it currently holds a rotten 22% on Rotten Tomatoes), Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo was a box office success. It grossed over $92 million worldwide on a $17 million budget. This success is the kind of thing that keeps studio executives awake at night, muttering, “But why?” into their silk pillowcases.

So, why did it succeed? Sometimes, people just want to watch something that doesn’t require them to engage their brain. Deuce Bigalow is the cinematic equivalent of junk food – it’s not good for you, you know you shouldn’t indulge, but sometimes you just want to shovel some empty calories into your face without thinking about the consequences.

It’s also worth noting that this was Adam Sandler’s first outing as a producer with his Happy Madison Productions. Sandler’s name attached to anything in the late ’90s and early 2000s was practically a license to print money. It seems that audiences were willing to give Schneider a chance based on his association with Sandler’s more successful comedies.

The Schneider Trajectory: A Brief Ascent, A Rapid Descent

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo marked the beginning of Rob Schneider’s brief tenure as a leading man in Hollywood comedies. For a few years, he was everywhere, headlining a series of critically panned but moderately successful comedies. It was as if the universe decided to play a cosmic joke on moviegoers, seeing how many Rob Schneider vehicles we could endure before we collectively cried uncle.

The pinnacle (or nadir, depending on your perspective) of Schneider’s leading man era was probably The Benchwarmers in 2006, where he shared top billing with fellow SNL alum David Spade and Napoleon Dynamite himself, Jon Heder. After that, Schneider seemed to fade back into the supporting role territory from whence he came, occasionally popping up in Adam Sandler movies like a comedic whack-a-mole.

The Legacy: A Stain That Won’t Wash Out

Looking back on Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo from the vantage point of 2024, it’s clear that time has not been kind to this film. What might have passed for edgy humor in 1999 now feels crass, insensitive, and just plain unfunny. The movie’s treatment of women, people with disabilities, and sex work in general is about as nuanced as a sledgehammer to the kneecaps.

Yes, there are a handful of quotable lines that frat boys of a certain era might still trot out after a few too many beers. But are they worth sitting through 88 minutes of Rob Schneider’s fish-faced mugging and jokes that were already stale when the film was released? I think not.

The Viewing Experience: A Personal Trauma

I first encountered Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo when it hit home video during my college years. It was one of those movies that seemed to spread through dorm rooms like a particularly stubborn strain of athlete’s foot. Suddenly, every guy with access to a VCR and a lack of taste was quoting it ad nauseam.

From the moment we pressed play, I knew we were in for a rough ride. It was clear that this movie was shooting for lowest common denominator humor and somehow managing to aim even lower. Watching Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo feels like being stuck in a conversation with that one friend who thinks they’re hilarious but keeps telling the same unfunny joke over and over, each time a little louder, as if volume is the key to comedy.

In Conclusion: A Fish Out of Water That Should Have Stayed There

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is a relic of a bygone era of comedy, and not in a good way. It’s the kind of movie that makes you wonder how it ever got made, let alone spawned a sequel (yes, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo exists, and no, we will not be discussing it today. There’s only so much trauma I can revisit in one sitting).

In the grand scheme of terrible movies, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo sits at a comfortable #76 on my list of 100 worst films. It’s bad, make no mistake, but it lacks the spectacular awfulness of true bottom-of-the-barrel cinema. It’s the kind of bad that’s almost worse because it’s so mediocre. It doesn’t even have the decency to be memorably terrible.

So, there you have it, folks. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo – a movie that proves that sometimes, the fish jokes just write themselves. And sometimes, they really, really shouldn’t.

Join us next time on Movie Monday, when we’ll dive into another cinematic disaster. Until then, remember: life’s too short for bad movies, but somehow still long enough for me to watch them all and tell you about it. You’re welcome.