Welcome to Movie Mondays, a weekly blog series that takes you on a cinematic odyssey through the world of film! Each week, we’ll dive into a list of my 100 least favorite movies, exploring what makes them fall short and discussing the lessons we can learn from their missteps. Remember that these low-ranking films are only that way based on my personal opinion. Something I hate may be something you love and no offense is intended. Wherever these movies fall for you, I invite you to grab some popcorn and join in on the debate over these films’ merits!

Super Mario Bros.

1993

Directed by Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel

Ah, Super Mario Bros., the 1993 fantasy adventure film that dared to ask the question: “What if we took a beloved video game franchise and turned it into a bizarre, dystopian fever dream?” Strap in, folks, because we’re about to dive into the surreal mess that is this movie.

Let’s start with the plot, or rather, the loose collection of scenes that somehow form a narrative. Mario and Luigi, played by Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, are plumbers in Brooklyn who stumble upon a parallel dimension ruled by the ruthless President Koopa (Dennis Hopper). Their mission? Rescue Princess Daisy (Samantha Mathis) and prevent the two dimensions from merging. It’s like the writers threw darts at a board filled with random sci-fi and fantasy tropes and just ran with whatever they hit.

Now, let’s talk about the cast. Poor Bob Hoskins, a talented actor reduced to waddling around in overalls and spouting inane dialogue. John Leguizamo, in what was supposed to be his breakout role, spends most of the movie screaming and flailing about. And then there’s Dennis Hopper as Koopa, chewing the scenery like it’s his last meal. It’s a testament to these actors’ skills that they managed to keep a straight face throughout this debacle.

But wait, it gets better! The crew behind this masterpiece included directors Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel, whose previous claim to fame was creating Max Headroom. Clearly, they were the perfect choice to bring the colorful world of Super Mario to life. And let’s not forget the writers, who seemingly had never played a Mario game in their lives. They managed to concoct a story that has little to no resemblance to the source material, complete with a disturbing fungus subplot and Goombas that look like rejects from a low-budget dinosaur movie.

Behind the scenes, the production was plagued with issues. The script underwent numerous rewrites, the actors were left confused and frustrated, and the directors clashed with the producers. It’s a wonder the film was even completed, though some might argue it would have been better if it hadn’t been.

In the end, Super Mario Bros. is a prime example of how not to adapt a video game. It’s a tonally inconsistent, visually bewildering, and narratively incoherent mess that bears little resemblance to its beloved source material. But hey, at least it gave us the immortal line, “Trust the fungus,” right?

So, dear readers, have you had the misfortune of watching this cinematic disaster? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s commiserate together and pray that Hollywood has learned its lesson about adapting video games for the big screen.