I’ve had a pretty good streak going. I’ve posted something every day so far in 2020. And I really didn’t want to end the streak. So here’s a post.
But, honestly, after what I posted yesterday, I just don’t have it in me. You know?
I don’t know what to write about. I’m just numb.
By the time I reached the end of the day yesterday, I couldn’t believe it was still Tuesday. I found myself wishing desperately that it was the weekend. Or that I could feasibly take off the next three days.
Thing is, I’ve decided that one of the most difficult things involved with working in the mental health field is the fact that, when I’m with my clients, I have to be okay.
At least, I feel like I have to put on that show. No matter what’s happening under the surface, I have to hold it together. And I’m just not sure I can hold it together right now.
I did the best I could yesterday. I’m pretty sure I pulled it off all right. But when I got to the end of the day, my head was pounding after feeling like I’d repressed so much emotion all day.
Once my work day was over, I did have a chance to talk through some of my thoughts with my mom. I brought up my confusion… I couldn’t figure out why everything surrounding this situation with this young child was affecting me so much. I never worked that closely with her. Mom pointed out that my anger is probably what’s taking the biggest toll on me.
Pretty sure she’s right. I’m so angry about it all I can’t think straight. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
This is the kind of inciting incident that inspires people to take drastic steps like entering politics. No… I’m not gonna run for office. I don’t want to become a part of the system that is clearly the problem. I want the people who are already there to make better decisions and find a way to fix what’s broken.