That Time I Live-Tweeted The Little Mermaid

I kind of love the Timehop app. It lets me look back at the things that I’ve tweeted and posted to Facebook in years past and reminds me of how hilarious I am. Yes, I do laugh at my own jokes. Deal with it. Anyway, today, Timehop reminded me that, a year ago, I live-tweeted as I watched The Little Mermaid. It gave me a decent laugh. So I thought I’d share it here…

  • That fish that gets away at the start of The Little Mermaid seems unconcerned that the rest of his school will be dinner for sailors.
  • “Oh, good, I can still make it to the mermaid concert!” – Fish at the beginning of The Little Mermaid
  • Why are people surprised that Ariel’s not in the clam shell at the concert? No one noticed her not getting in it?
  • What’s wrong with guppies? Why is “guppy” used as a derogatory term?
  • Why does Ariel rely on a bird that is clearly an idiot as her human-made object expert?
  • Why doesn’t she have a security detail? Ariel’s royalty. There must be kidnapping threats.
  • Triton is clearly racist.
  • Should a tiny crab be questioning the king’s parenting skills to his face?
  • Next time on Hoarders: Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and her underwater cavern of mysterious human-made objects.
  • Who needs 20 thingamabobs? It’s a little greedy.
  • Sebastian knocks stuff off shelves, and they come crashing down. Instead of floating slowly. Because they’re underwater.
  • Ariel has amazing arm strength, pulling herself up the side of the ship without the use of legs.
  • Scuttle thinks the “human” Ariel is talking about is the dog. Again, good expert on human things.
  • Who presents someone with a big honkin’ statue while at sea?
  • Eric’s statue must be hollow. It floated there for a second before sinking beneath the surface.
  • How can Ursula assume Ariel is in love with a human? She’s known him for six hours. And he was unconscious for most of that.
  • How can Ariel say she loves the human? She’s known him for less than a day. And he was unconscious for most of that.
  • Why would Sebastian use the word human in front of Triton. He knows how this guy reacts to them.
  • How did Flounder get that statue into her cavern? Even if he was strong enough, there is no opening large enough.
  • “They’re all the same!” – Triton, the racist sea king.
  • “Daddy, I love him!” – Ariel, the Little Mermaid who clearly doesn’t know what love is.
  • What to do when you’re upset: throw yourself face down on the nearest flat surface and cry.
  • Also, when I’m upset, I like talking to creepy eels about my problems.
  • You’re ready to trade your greatest asset and the only way Eric can identify you to Ursula? Good decision.
  • I don’t know much about maritime law, but Ariel is a minor. This contract is null and void.
  • Good thing Flounder and Sebastian followed her. If they hadn’t pulled her to the surface, Ariel would’ve drowned.
  • Eric finds a girl wrapped up in a discarded sail and assumes she’s the girl who saved him.
  • Eric realizes she can’t speak and assumes she couldn’t be the girl who saved him. Because people can’t lose their voices.
  • That French chef might be psychotic. And not in a Gordon Ramsay kind of way.
  • Although, if a crab caused me to burn my hand while dropping a skillet on my foot, I might thirst for vengeance, too.
  • “My kingdom?” You’re a prince, Eric. You mean a tour of your father’s kingdom.
  • Triton shouldn’t beat himself up too much. Ariel was a hoarder. Destroying her cave was the intervention she needed.
  • Grimsby encourages Eric to pursue the voiceless Ariel. “You mean the crazy girl combing her hair with a fork?”
  • Vanessa shows up and, judging by the look on Eric’s face, she’s used the Imperius curse on him.
  • Why wasn’t Ariel invited to the wedding?
  • It is 5 minutes ’til sunset and Ariel can’t swim. There’s no way she makes it to that boat in time.
  • “We made a deal,” says Ursula, hiding behind a contract signed by a minor.
  • I wonder if Ursula was embarrassed when she started inking all over the place.
  • When all those merpeople turned back to normal, did they get to keep Ursula’s upgrades that they couldn’t pay for?
  • Triton could turn Ariel human this whole time? Next time don’t deal with a witch, huh?

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