Irrational

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like nothing you do is right?

I’m not necessarily talking about the days where you actually don’t do anything right. I’m just talking about the ones that seem that way. Do you know what I’m talking about? Maybe it’s just me.

I hope it’s just me. Because it’s a ridiculous notion.

I love what I’m doing. That hasn’t changed. I’m not sure that it ever will change. What I do to earn a living is a dream come true for me. And yet, I still find myself, on the rarest of occasions, getting into some kind of funk. Over nothing.

When it happens, it really doesn’t take much. Oh, you didn’t like that article I wrote? Well, then, obviously I’m horrible at everything I do! That graphic I designed wasn’t quite the masterpiece you were going for? Why do I even have this job in the first place?!

When it happens, it spirals really rapidly. It doesn’t matter that I’ve spent the entire day getting things done and doing a pretty darn good job of it. That one mild criticism hits and it’s game over. I might as well pack it in and call it a day.

This, too, is a ridiculous notion. What? Did I think that every single thing I did in my job was going to be right? Did I honestly think I wouldn’t make mistakes? Here comes Aaron! Just because he loves his job now, everything he touches turns to gold!

I’m not trained as a graphic designer. What makes me think that, having learned on the job for the past year, I would get it right every time? It’s ridiculous to expect that of someone who is a professional graphic designer.

I’m glad it’s not an everyday occurrence, that I let the little things like that get to me. In general, I don’t let things get to me. Not that I don’t care. I just don’t let it bother me when someone asks me to reword something in an article. I deal with it and I move on.

But, then, there are those days… I can’t seem to just deal with it and move on. I become the most irrational version of myself. I sit at my desk replaying something that was said, wondering how I could have done things differently to receive a more positive outcome. But, in my funk, I can’t think of a single positive thing. And what would be the point, I’ve already screwed it up. It’s not as if I can jump back in time and make it like it never happened.

It’s dumb, right? Thinking like that? Good thing I’m able to quit dwelling on it by the next day. Having a bad afternoon? Fine. I’ll allow myself to wallow in self-doubt and self-pity for a few hours, max. But tomorrow is a brand new day. It’s a new chance to remind myself that I’m not perfect. I’m not expected to be perfect. And if I make a mistake or put effort toward something that will ultimately get rejected, so what? I’ll deal with it. And I’ll move on.

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One thought on “Irrational

  1. Yes I actually had one of those days this summer🙁It was awful, but it just took some time and then finally… it was last week’s news! Sometimes I can say, “that’s so yesterday” but sometimes things carry on more than a day and what I noticed is, usually after a week- it’s all good.

    Liked by 1 person

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