My Wedding/Future Wedding/Past Wedding
Well, since I’m not married, nor have I ever been married, and since this is my most likely long-term scenario…This should be fun…
Let’s assume that I grow up and fall head over heels for the woman of my dreams. And let’s also assume that she figures out that I’m the man of hers around that same time. Yeah, that’s a lot to assume, but it’s all hypothetical, anyway. Here are the things I would look for in my own wedding.
Since the first time I visited my friends’ lake house at Smith Mountain Lake, I’ve said I would want to get married in their back yard. I think it would be a perfect place for a wedding. From the back porch down to the dock, there’s a gentle slope, so it would be like having stadium seating. It’s kind of a gorgeous view of the lake. They’ve since sold that house, so that’s probably not gonna fly with the new owners. And, other than that, I can’t imagine my hypothetical bride-to-be would get on board with any of my other ideas.
For example, I want the ushers to announce which side the guests are sitting on: bride’s side or groom’s side. And I want a scoreboard. And whosoever has the most guests on their side at the start of the ceremony wins a prize. To be determined.
I would like to have someone with a commanding voice and a dry sense of humor read a Deep Thought, by Jack Handey. Also to be determined.
I would really like to bring together the folks I sang with in Praise Singers during college to do some song together as a surprise for the bride. So, sweetie, if you’re reading this right now, I’m sorry, I kind of ruined the surprise. Maybe you could just pretend like you didn’t see that, mmmkay?
And, my darling, if you’re out there reading this, it would be nice if you would, at some point, announce your presence. I have no doubt that you’re secretly, madly, head over heels in love with me but are just too intimidated to let me know about it. Even if you’ve never actually met me and all you know of me are these many, multiple blog posts that I’ve been writing over the course of the last year, I’m sure that’s more than enough to sway you. And there’s that picture of me over on the right, that I’m sure has just put you way over the top. Anyway, whoever you are, my dearest love, we need to come to some kind of agreement about these wedding
demands plans. I could possibly give way on the Deep Thought being read, but the scoreboard is non-negotiable.