Jerkface: A Legend of the Bank Teller

In the world of banking, the people on the front lines of the industry are known as tellers. These are the people who are expected to help customers with all of their day to day banking needs. It is often a thankless and miserable position to hold. These are their stories. These are their legends…

Bank Teller 4There was a gentleman that came into my branch about once a week. We’ll call him Jerkface. Of course, that’s not his given name, but it’s an apt description.

A little background on Jerkface: He had been with our bank for less than a month. I knew this because any time I attempted to run a transaction for him, and alert popped up on my screen to inform me that his account had been open for less than four weeks. That let me know that he didn’t have a longstanding relationship with our bank, so we couldn’t just let him get away with whatever he wanted. Now, if he’d been with us for six weeks, well, that would have been a different story.

The man never had a simple transaction. I take that back. His transactions should have been simple But he made them complicated by complaining about no less than three different things while standing at the counter. Personally, my complaint is that I managed to get this guy every time he came into the bank. I was the drive through teller. How it worked out for me to get him every time he was there, I don’t know, because he came inside. But it happened. Every time. But there was a day that came along that was the last time I would ever put up with it.

Don’t worry. It isn’t because I quit my job. Though, at the time, that would have been a nice thought. No, I just announced for all the staff to hear, “I will not help that man ever again. If I ever see him in line, I will find a reason to be somewhere else. I don’t care how poorly staffed we are on the day that he comes in. I will be in another room. Do we have an accord?”

During his final interaction with me, his chief complaint was that the check he was depositing wouldn’t be available immediately. “I’ve never been to a bank that didn’t make checks available after 2:00!” Dude, 2 p.m. isn’t a magic number that automatically means that every check that’s been deposited will suddenly pass through the proof department and will have cleared all the proper channels. Checks have to go where checks go in order to be deposited into people’s accounts. Besides, if you don’t like the way our institution does things, why not take your business to another freakin’ bank!

Luckily, the check that Jerkface attempted to have available immediately was drawn on our bank. So I suggested that he cash the check first, then deposit the cash. In simple terms, cash is available immediately. This confused him. Because he was an idiot. But after about 15 minutes of explaining it in monosyllabic words, I’m pretty sure he finally got it. He complained a few more times, but eventually he got what he wanted.

It was like that every time I helped him. Always a complaint about our bank. I know, I had my complaints, but I was there every day. I worked there. I had no choice but to endure. Jerkface, on the other hand, had only recently opened his account. If he was so unhappy with the way we handled his business, why not just move on? Though, most of his complaints could be traced back to the fact that he couldn’t manage to keep his account on the plus side of things. The guy was overdrawn every time I saw him. So if he were to take his business elsewhere, it wouldn’t have been as if we would be missing a whole lot out of him. There are many other banks that he could have chosen from. Maybe one of those institutions could have pandered to him in a way that would have been more pleasing to him. I doubt it, since he couldn’t keep an accurate transaction register. Moron.

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