This is going to be a very telling post. I’ve been prompted to write about my first kiss. Sadly, this is an event that has yet to happen.

Unless you want to count my preschool experiences with Angie, and I don’t, then I’ve never been in a relationship that went on long enough to warrant a real kiss. That would be any relationship that went past a first date, right? I’m pretty sure I went on a lot of first dates back in high school and college. No second dates.

So, after years of only first dates and none of those women wanting the follow up, I just gave up. Ergo, I haven’t dated since, roughly, the turn of the millennium. Okay, there have been a couple of dates here and there in the last decade or so, but still no kissing.

It’s one thing for me to admit to being a 35-year-old-virgin. I’m perfectly okay with that. For me, that’s a marriage thing. And since I’m not married, well, logic dictates, no sex. But to have gone 35 years without so much as a single lip lock? Gotta say that’s a little embarrassing.

No kisses after any of those first dates. No traditional mistletoe kisses at a Christmas party. Not even so much as a kiss from a random drunk girl at a friend’s bachelor party. I did consider making a sign that advertised that I was giving away free kisses, just to see what kind of response I’d get. I feel like that would result in more smacks to the face than kisses to the lips.

It’s probably best that I don’t know what I’m missing.