Welcome to a series of stories that basically make up my autobiography. It’s not entirely thorough, but I’ll do the best I can with the memories locked away inside my head. Could be therapeutic for me. Could be humorous for you. Either way, enjoy…
Previously on Life Story: I was kind of adorable as a baby. I dare you to argue that point.
I don’t remember much from my first few years of existence. But really, who does? I don’t remember my first steps. I don’t remember my first words. I don’t remember the first time I went poo-poo in the potty. I assume that all of these events happened at some point, because as of the writing of this post, I have achieved mastery of all these skills. Except maybe the walking thing.
I’m not sure how, but I remember seeing E.T. in the theater. It’s possible that was the first movie I saw in the theater. There’s something touching about a slimy alien that makes contact with a troubled kid from a broken home. And then the scary astronaut guys break into their home. How is that not creepy?I also remember preschool. I was three years old when I started going to Tabernacle Baptist Church’s preschool. I know there were several teachers there, but the only one whose name I can recall is Mrs. Yates. I think I’m allowed to call her Bonnie now, but that just feels weird.
I don’t remember everyone in my class, but two people will always stand out. Jeremy was my best friend in those days. Angie was my first girlfriend. And then my issues with women begin. We’ll save that story for next time.
Life was easy in preschool. We played musical chairs. We had a career day where everyone got to act in the job they wanted to be in. I can’t remember which career I picked, but I do remember going to one kid’s barber shop. He shaved me. And he did a lousy job. I couldn’t get my facial hair to grow back for years after that. Maybe that means he did his job a little too well…
And let’s not forget the best part: NAPS! Oh, precious naps. That special time during the day that was set aside for the children, after a grueling morning of shapes and colors, to lie down on beach towels on the cold, tile floor. Maybe that should be my platform for when I run for president. Nap times for everyone! I’d vote for me just based on that alone.