“Mr. Peck!” yelled the teacher from her office as I was sitting down to type up some paperwork. “You should go onto Facebook and add my nephew’s wife’s sister as a friend!”

Translation: “You’re single, and therefore lonely and miserable, right? Well, I vaguely know someone who is also single and of reasonable child-birthing age. Clearly, you two were made for each other and should find a way to connect without actually knowing each other at all.”

I’m sort of grateful that Facebook is blocked on my school’s WiFi. And that I can also not get a very clear signal on my phone, through which I could access Facebook if I truly wanted to. Not that I have anything against this teacher’s nephew’s wife’s sister. I’m sure she’s a lovely individual who is probably not as miserable as it is assumed she is, being afflicted with the disease of singleness.

Sidebar: I’m also not miserable. That is all.