The other night I had one of my trademark strange dreams. In that dream I was married. I also had a daughter around three or four years of age. I also got into an argument with my nameless, faceless wife. It was kind of bizarre.
Let me set the scene…
In the dream, I’m married to a woman whose face I never see. So I have no idea who it is that I’m married to. Together, we have a three or four year old daughter and we’ve decided to set up a play date with the daughter of a friend, who is roughly the same age as our little girl. Again, no idea what my daughter’s name is or what she looks like. I’m a horrible father.
Our friend drops off her daughter and my wife, while spending time with the girls, is appalled by the fact that our friend has allowed her child to have non-traditional ear piercings at such a young age. If I’m remembering the dream correctly, I believe the offending piercing appeared at the top of the ear in addition what would typically be found lower on the earlobes.
My nameless, faceless wife wanted to remove these additional piercings while our friend’s daughter was with us, allowing the holes to close. It’s at this point that I stepped in and instigated an argument.
I asked my wife why she thought it would be a good idea to remove this child’s piercings. All that’s going to do is anger our friend and damage the relationship we have with this family we know from (I think) church. And once the girl goes home and her mother sees what’s happened, she’ll just take her back out to get the ears pierced again, which will cost them money and cause needless additional pain for the child.
I asked her what gave her the right to decide that someone else’s child should or should not have these ear piercings. Her response: “You’re not a mother.”
Valid point… I guess… Not sure how that has anything to do with the topic at hand. But then I came back with, “You’re not her mother.”
I woke up at about this time. So I’d like to ask for opinions… How did I handle this subconscious conflict with a woman who does not exist?
Honestly, I never pictured myself marrying someone so conservative that they would be willing to damage a friendship in order to impose their own beliefs about piercings on someone else’s child. But if that were the case, I would absolutely back her up when it comes to our own children. You don’t want our own three or four year old daughter to have her ears pierced in any way, shape, or form? I will back that up. But I will not stand by while you try to put yourself in the place of another child’s mother, especially when that child’s mother is active in the child’s life and probably a good friend of ours who trusts that her child will be safe in our temporary care.
What do you think? Did my unconscious mind handle that conflict positively? Let me know down in the comments!