I have a love/hate relationship with news media. It isn’t a hate/hate relationship, like we see with a certain elected official. I actually enjoy watching the news from time to time. Actually, I enjoy watching the local news pretty much all the time. No, it has nothing to do with the crush I have on the weekend anchorwoman. I genuinely like to stay informed about what’s going on in the area in which I live. Is it always important that I know that a truck full of pumpkins overturned on Route 11 in some rural county I forgot existed? Probably not. But it’s nice to know about it.

National news? I could take it or leave it. I’m one of those who is more likely to trust the news provided by our local journalists than from the nationals. I liken it to my enjoyment of college sports over the pros. I bet there are a few pros out there who still just love to play the game and aren’t doing it for the money. And I bet there are a few journalists on the major networks that have a real desire to report the truth to the American people.

But I don’t want to get into a discussion of whether or not the news is a trustworthy source of information. That is, apparently, a deep rabbit hole that I am neither informed enough or patient enough to go down at any point on this blog. Besides, I feel like that kind of discussion would quickly turn political and I do hate a political discussion on the internet. That’s about the most pointless kind of discussion there is.

Anyway, all that is to say that my morning routine generally consists of watching the news as I slowly get ready for my day. And in watching my local news for two hours, I see a lot of local commercials. And there are several that kind of make my blood boil.

1. Roanoke Valley Community Credit Union – Nothing against the credit union. But I hate this commercial. I get the impression that it was filmed by some national ad agency back in the early to mid-90s, judging by how old the video looks and because the actor never actually mentions the name of the credit union. In it, this guy is basically complaining about how he cannot control his dog. The dog pretty much destroys everything in his house. But it’s okay, because he’s got a line of credit that he can use to replace all the things that his dog has destroyed. That’s great. Get a line of credit. But, dude, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE A DOG! I love dogs. I really do. But if you can’t control your dog and you are constantly having to replace things in your home because of your lack of control over your pet, then you should either not have a dog or you should not have nice things. You, sir, are an idiot.
2. The Fisher Law Firm – I wasn’t going to mention this law firm by name because I did not want to accidentally give them more advertising than they already get. But, here it is. Free advertisement. The reason I despise their commercial (and it’s a lot more than any other money-grubbing law firm commercial that’s out there) is because they advertise themselves as a law firm that specializes in DUI cases. WHAT?! This Fisher guy is sitting there talking about how, sometimes, machinery doesn’t work right. That includes breathalyzers. So, in the off chance that you got pulled over and the officer’s breathalyzer misread your breath as over the legal limit, Fisher is gonna get you off. I shouldn’t have to explain why this makes me mad. If you are a person who gets behind the wheel of a car after you have been drinking alcohol, you deserve to have your license taken away from you forever. I don’t care what a breathalyzer says. You, Mr. Fisher, are despicable. And for every drunk driver that you’ve saved from their rightful punishment, you should be punched in the face.
3. Some car dealership in Danville – I never pay enough attention to this guy’s commercial whenever it comes on to catch the name of his actual dealership. I don’t even know what brand of cars he specializes in. Because, whenever he starts screaming at me, I just tune him out. I mean he literally screams. He strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn’t understand what it means when someone says, “inside voice!” From the start of his 30 second ad to the finish, he is screaming. The guy even has his kid involved. Stop screaming at me. Look, even the classiest ad created by a legit automobile manufacturer for a national campaign has never convinced me that I need to rush out and buy their latest model. You screaming at me at 6:00 a.m. is certainly not going to do the trick. Seriously, are there any marketing people out there with statistics on how well the strategy of screaming at potential customers works? Let me know. I’m legitimately curious.

Are there any commercials that get under your skin? I mean, other than all of them.