I can’t sleep.
I don’t have nights like this very often these days. Once upon a time, I dealt with insomnia like it was my job. And I blamed it on my job. That’s because, once upon a time, I worked as a night-time residential counselor at a group home. Part of the job involved staying awake all night so that I could make half-hourly bed checks and make sure that none of our residents had disappeared. It was rough.
But that was a long time ago. Now, instances of a sleepless night are very few and extremely far between.
Tonight, I lose sleep because I’m anxious. And that’s a rarity, too. I don’t worry about things. Worrying never made sense to me. I always liked that quote: “Worrying is a lot like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it won’t get you anywhere.”
So why would someone who’s generally cool as a cucumber (I’ll never use that one again) be anxious at 2:20 a.m.? It’s because of the snow.
But I love snow. When I was working in the school system, I looked forward to the snow more than the kids did. I loved a snow day. I don’t work in an elementary school anymore, but I feel like snow is still something that I actively look forward to. Except for this weekend.
I’m flying out early Sunday morning for a week of training seminars in Orlando. I’m flying from a local airport, but it’s about a 45-minute drive from where I live. And it’s a drive down an interstate that’s driven by some of humanity’s most idiotic motorists under the best of conditions. When there’s snow on the ground, things tend to get worse. People forget how to drive in the rain. Snow and ice basically incapacitates them.
They’re saying the worst of the snow will hit to the south and east of where I am. So there’s a very good chance that all this anxiety is for nothing. That I’ll just have a pointless, sleepless night and I’ll just be exhausted while I pack my bags during the day. But then there’s that nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that meteorologists don’t always get it right.
What if that heavy snow that’s aiming for the south and east shifts just a little bit? What if that prediction of one inch of snow per hour for the next six hours hits my front yard instead of someone else’s? What if a butterfly in Botswana flapped its wings four months ago and caused this storm surge to make its way across the United States? What if?
So I lie here. And switch it out for sitting every now and then. In the dark. Wondering if I should have driven into town to be closer to the airport. My mom lives close by, I could have stayed with her for two nights and had a much shorter drive early on Sunday morning. But I didn’t do that. I’m waiting out the snow, knowing that it’s only going to get colder. So whatever sticks is staying for a few days. Whatever sticks will be on the ground long after I’ve flown into warmer weather.
In the meantime, I’ve watched a lot of movies. Hulu has really stepped up their game, y’all. My night has consisted of Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, Sister Act, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, and I’m currently on Stand By Me. Maybe Hulu hasn’t actually stepped up their game. But I’m feeling nostalgic in my weather-related anxiety.