I very rarely listen to the radio. In my long drives to and from work, I’m usually listening to audio books to fill the time. When I feel like listening to music as I’m driving around town, it’s courtesy of my iPod and all the music that I know I’ll want to listen to. If I’m sitting at home the music comes from Pandora, more often than not. Pandora doesn’t give me complete control over what I listen to, but it’s mostly old stuff based on the stations I choose to listen to.

Yesterday, I completed another audio book. This morning, as I climbed into the car to drive to work, I chose not to start a new one. After all, I’m into my last couple of days of school before summer break begins. If I’m not driving the long commute day after day, there’s a good chance I won’t make myself continue listening to an audio book at any given moment. So I turned on the local radio.

Now, as I don’t often listen to the radio, I’m not 100% familiar with the new music that gets released. Really, anything that’s less than 10 years old is probably new to me. Sure, there are a few that slip through every now and then, mostly thanks to friends who feel the need to share their playlists. This morning, as I drove down the road, I was pleasantly surprised by a song that I’ve never heard before.

It had a catchy tune, the lyrics weren’t trashy. I kind of liked it. In fact, as I was humming along, I thought to myself that I hope the DJ says whose song this is so I can download it once I get home this afternoon. As the song came to an end, the DJ took to the mic and boldly stated that the song was by…

JUSTIN BIEBER

I just couldn’t believe it. What has happened to this world? What has happened to me? How could I possibly reach a point where I would actually consider not only enjoying a song by Justin Bieber, but actually buying it from the iTunes store? I have long held the belief that Justin Bieber is a sign of some forthcoming apocalypse from which there will be no escape for humanity. And this morning I found myself wishing I knew the lyrics to one of his songs so I could sing along.

My plan now is not to get on iTunes to purchase his music. My plan now is to find the nearest Q-tip and stab myself in each ear because I do not deserve to be among the hearing anymore.