Have you ever been to a birthday party for a cat? Well, I have. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me. It was awesome. I mean, it’s not like there was a Velcro wall or anything, but it was a good time. And who decided you need to have a Velcro wall at your party for it to be a good party? Where is that written?
Yeah, it’s a little ridiculous. And my friend (the one who threw a birthday party for her cat) was aware that it was ridiculous. She even admitted as much in her e-vite. It’s nice to have an excuse to party. During cold and flu season, we could have a “Somebody Sneezed” party. But why wait when we could have a “Day That Ends in Y” party pretty much whenever.
It’s good to be a little liberal with our reasons to get together and have a good time. And a good time was had. I can’t really speak for everyone else, but I sure had a swell time.
I’m sure you’re wondering, did I bring a gift? Of course I did. How could I show up to a birthday party without a gift of some kind? Wouldn’t you want presents on your birthday? And a cat only turns one once. But what do you get for a cat? This was a first for me.
I considered buying some catnip. But I’m just not sure if that stuff is legal outside of Colorado or Washington. Also, the dealer I talked to was kind of shady. I considered something practical, like litter or food, but I really had no idea what kind of food he would like. In today’s world, food brings up too many questions: Organic? Vegan? Gluten-Free? So confusing.
And then it hit me. Pajamas. Whenever old-timey people would talk about something being great, they’d compare it to the cat’s pajamas. Possibly even the bee’s knees. I assume these things are synonymous. So pajamas for a cat would probably be pretty awesome, right? But I thought about it and decided it would be a bad idea. What if this particular cat didn’t like being dressed up? I wouldn’t want my friend being scratched to ribbons by a resentful cat who didn’t actually want to wear awesome pajamas.In the end, I went with a laser pointer that is shaped to look like a mouse. This will provide exercise for the cat and hours of hilarity for my friend. In the business, we call that a win-win.
Things started out pretty slow at the party. At first, the cat was afraid of all the strange people who were hanging out in his lair. Eventually, someone busted out a jigsaw puzzle, which kicked things up a notch. I don’t think things really got crazy until someone began interviewing me and asked if I’d ever made cheese before. Wait, that makes it sound like I’m being really sarcastic (way out of character for me) and it wasn’t actually a good time. But I laughed more at that cat birthday party than I have in a while. To me, that’s the mark of a good party. Plus, I never complain about any event where I’m the only guy there. We should do more of those. Next week, we’ll throw an “I’m the Only Dude” party. And let’s try to get a Velcro wall, okay?